Sweet Miracles

Wow… today is the first time that i heard someone talk bad about me when i’m around. Well, i hope that it’s not often that i get bad-mouthed BEHIND my back, though there were probably such incident before, but i have never had someone gossip about me in a mean way knowing that i’m within hearing range.

Well, it’s all because of that guy whom i helped to appeal for so he could get his food rations. My colleague who is in charge of food rations was obviously very unhappy cos since the day I told her about my appeal, she never responded to my hellos when i come into the office anymore. She also never got back to me about my appeal, and i could have just forgotten about it since my caseload was getting pretty heavy. But then, if i had decided to help the guy, then i shld see it to the end right? So i “thickened my skin” and asked my colleague abt it. She said she would speak to her manager.

Thank gdness the manager and I are on good terms and she took it from there. She was supportive of my appeal but knew that my colleague would not be happy to renew this guy’s case, so she asked me to email my appeal to my colleague with her included. I did that, giving all the reasons why i think this guy shld be helped. On hindsight, perhaps the email was written in an overly righteous way. But then again, that’s just me. I can normally balance pretty well diplomacy and truth in my emails, but when i feel more strongly towards the issue, diplomacy kinda gets overridden by my straightforwardness.

Anyway, today when i came into the office, i was busy having my lunch and reading my emails as quickly as possible cos i have a client coming in soon. But halfway, i started to listen to the discussion going on among a few colleagues, which seemed to be about this guy who kept calling and calling, almost harassing whoever was “suey” enough to pick up his call. Still, i didn’t think much of it, until that particular colleague said that actually this case would have been closed, if it wasn’t for “someone” who was trying to be busybody.

Didn’t take me long to put one and one together and realise who was that annoying fella, and…. hmm…. who was the busybody. In fact, she said this more than once pretty loudly, and when i walked out to meet my client, she said that “thanks to someone” speech once more. So it was clear that she intended for me to get that my interference in this matter was extremely unwelcomed by her.

I can’t say that i was able to stay unaffected by her words. I did feel a little upset, and there was a little twinge in my heart. Even during the counselling session, her words came back to me 2 or 3 times, though i managed to let them pass and get back to my client. Thank gdness this client was a very warm and nice person, and it wasn’t difficult for me to feel genuinely interested in her and enjoy talking to her, so during the 2nd half of the session, i was more or less disengaged from the memory of my colleague’s words.

After the session, i called the guy to update him on his case as well as inform him not to call the office anymore, and that i would be his only contact person from now on. He sounded impatient as usual, but just like our previous conversations, he was receptive and coorporative, so i just don’t understand how come he can appear as such a nuisance to my colleagues. Either my colleagues don’t have much patience, or this guy only “behaves” when he talks to me. Oh well, in any case, i sure hope that he keeps his word and doesn’t call to harass others anymore.

Then i went to give the manager a report about this. After i was done and she noted the man’s request, to my surprise, she apologised to me about my colleague’s behaviour, as she heard her words too. She asked me if i was upset, and i told her a little. But probably not as much as she expected. Cos i can understand how that colleague might have taken my “act of kindness” as interference that is causing her and other pple trouble. In fact, that IS unfortunately the case, since this man seems to be the persistent, complaining sort.

Still, understanding is one thing. Accepting is another. I am trying not to hold grudges against that colleague for her unkind words, and i’m the sort of person who does hold grudges, even if it’s just to give that person a cold shoulder from now on. But that’s not the kindest thing to do either, both to that colleague and myself (a cold shoulder is never comfortable), and then i wld be behaving like her to some extent.

I did have this thought… “to think that she is a Buddhist”, and i sometimes see her reading sutras in the office, so why this intolerance towards others. And then i remember, hey, i’m a pot calling the kettle black. I have intolerance towards certain persons as well, so what right do i have to judge her.

Yeap… so basically i am trying to let go of grudge and resentment, though i still have to come to terms with being gossiped abt in a mean way. That alone is a big deal to me, cos it’s never happened before. Ah well… guess i just have to learn to accept the hard fact that one can never be liked by everyone, esp if you’re trying to fight for truth and justice. Even Buddha himself was condemned and criticised by others. It’s all a lesson in equanimity i guess.

May all be well and happy.

Btw, I am literally quite a busy body these days too. My caseload is like WOW…. since the other counsellor is busy with admin stuff and the other 2 just joined us and don’t have much experience with counselling, almost all the cases are being passed to me. I am happy for all the exposure and practice that i’m going to get, but my schedule is packed with appointments and i’m starting to find it difficult to keep track of all my clients. Still, no complaints…. i’m thrilled with all the lovely business. But that’s enough for now… hehe, i have told my colleague to stop giving cases to me, so the new ones can start working too.

I tried EFT for the first time with a teenage client today. Unfortunately, it didn’t work on him (we were doing on confidence in upcoming exams) and when i asked him, he admitted that he thought it was weird. Ah well… confidence is too abstract to measure, and i didn’t approach him with EFT the right way. Never mind, it’s only the first time. Let’s see if i can find more tips on using EFT and try them out with future clients!

Guess none of you are gonna try it huh… never mind… actually it doesn’t work all the time for me. It worked on the flu, and a couple other things, but it didn’t work on the kink in my neck. Looks like i really gotta research more on how EFT works, and try it more for myself too.

Alright… gonna watch my AI. Till the next time!