Sweet Miracles

I have been feeling very fatigued lately, with bouts of dizziness as well as moodiness. I thought perhaps it was lack of sleep as i had to wake up earlier for the past two days to attend my course on intro to art therapy. However, while that might explain the fatigue but not really the dizziness, so i wondered if there was some physical problem, or if it was psychosomatic.

Then while doing some research on EFT, i came across this truth test using your body’s as a detector or sensor. Basically there is this inner lie detector in our body, and this is how lie detectors used in criminal investigations work. Our body reacts to truths and lies, positive and negative thinking in different ways on a biological level. There is no way to fool this body of ours. During the Energy Psychology course, we were taught the muscle test where you hold your arm out parallel to the floor at shoulder height and another person uses a finger to apply slight pressure on your wrist. You lock your arm in place and meet the pressure so that when the person removes the finger, your arm bounces back to its original position. Now you can start the test. When you say something that is true or positive, your arm will stay strong and be able to return that same amt of pressure by the person pressing your arm down. Conversely, when you say something that is untrue or negative, your arm will miraculously lose its strength and go down much more than it originally did.

Try it. I saw it being demostrated on other participants in class, including the skeptical ones, i tried it myself, and i tried it on Mr Gua Gua at home. This is 100% guaranteed to work. Just make sure the pressure applied to the arm is constant, and you give a 2 second time lag after the statement is verbalised before you press down on the arm, cos it takes a bit of time for the brain to recognise the statement and for the rest of the body to receive the signals from the brain.

Well, this test requires an assistant, but the other test is something you can do on your own. All you need to do is to stand with your feet firmly planted on the ground, and your hands clasped together in a relaxed position. Then program your body to sway forward when it’s a yes and to sway backwards when it’s a no. One suggested purpose of this activity was to assess whether certain foods are good for the body. By holding the food in your hand, you will be able to ascertain, by the subsequent movement of the body whether the food is good for you.

I decided to try it today. After i programmed my body, i tested it out with yes and no, and the movement was quite strong and didn’t seem imaginary at all. Then i went to the kitchen and tried with certain food items. My body moved forward with little boy’s formula powder, vitamins, my water, manuka honey and moved backwards with chocolate biscuits and a very stale mooncake. Unfortunately, my body also moved backwards with little boy’s frozen veggies. Perhaps i shld start making fresh foods for him.

Well, i tot, if it works in this way, maybe i can try using this method to find out the cause for my recent low energy level and dizziness. I went through various possibilities, lack of exercise (backwards), lack of self-love (backwards), Mr Gua Gua’s energy affecting my own (forward), and finally psychic attack (forward). That last one came to me as a hindthought, and finding that it was indeed a factor, i went to do a short meditation hoping to clear myself of all negativities.

I did feel better today - the fatigue and dizziness was gone. Later in the office, i had a chat with J who knew about the incident involving my colleague and that hungry desperate (and unfortunately very annoying) man. It turns out that my colleague was, and still is, very pissed at me. My heart sank to hear that, as i didn’t think my act that was borne out of good intentions could have led to such a disastrous outcome. So it occurred to me that perhaps the psychic attack was from her.

Just to explain what is a psychic attack, it’s literally an attack sent on a psychic level. There is a term psychic vampires for pple who seem to intentionally or unintentionally suck energy from others. I’m sure all of us have been around such pple, who can drain us out within a short moment. It sounds very evil -psychic vampires and psychic attacks - but i believe that while some psychic attacks are sent on purpose, many occur without the sender being fully aware. In such cases, they were probably just thinking badly of that person, and if the latter is energetically sensitive, that person might feel ill or unwell for seemingly no reason.

Talking about this reminded me of a talk where a demonstration by the speaker illustrates this pretty well. The speaker got 3 volunteers who stood a few metres away from each other in a triangle. He secretly told 2 volunteers separately to do certain things, and then told the 3rd volunteer to have eye contact with them for the next few minutes. During this demo, it was clear to the audience that the 3rd volunteer was able to have eye contact with only one volunteer, and couldn’t seem to be able to look at the other one in the eye.

Now the three of them didn’t know one another, so can you guess the reason? After the experiment was over, the speaker asked the 3rd volunteer to share her experience, and she said for some reason, she could easily look at one of the volunteers, but could barely turn in the other direction where the other volunteer was standing. The speaker then asked the two volunteers to share what they were told to do. As you have perhaps guessed, one was asked to send loving and kind thoughts towards her like “may you be well and happy” whereas the other onw was asked to send hateful and mean thoughts to her like “you don’t belong here”.

Well, this experiment has a very deep impact on me. It’s really a double-edged sword, cos you can either choose to be very careful with your thoughts about others, should you cause them suffering, or you could choose to hurt them just by sending bad thoughts towards them - in other words, attack them psychically.

I’m sure my colleague didn’t mean to cause me harm, but she was very affected by my interference in her work and as a result, she had feelings of resentment and anger towards me, and perhaps either those feelings were very intense, or i have become more sensitive, or both - and that contributed, or even caused, my recent feelings of fatigue and dizziness.

So this gives a whole new meaning to backstabbing. With reference to my previous entry where i was pondering over backstabbing - if you don’t even realise, or perceive you were being backstabbing, doesn’t that mean the backstabbing didn’t occur? Well, on a psychic level, it did. Just like if someone stabs you literally - even if you don’t blame the person, even if you can tolerate the pain, and as ridiculous as it may seem, even if you somehow didn’t even realised you were stabbed in the back, the fact is that there is now a wound in your back and it is hurting your body, whether or not you acknowledge it.

Interestingly, my colleague J felt sorry for me and in his words, he said that he felt i was “wounded”. Having drawn the link between my recent feelings and the possibility of the cause being a psychic attack, i was very curious that my colleague used this word which seemed to describe what happened so aptly. He is a very intuitive and perceptive person by the way. Wonder if he had picked up on it on a subconscious level and hence used this word. When i asked him to elaborate more on why he thought i was wounded, he said he felt so because my colleague was saying those bad things about me. This was when he introduced me to the analogy of someone physically hurting you, that even if you think it’s no big deal, the wound is still there.

Well, i was touched that my colleague felt my pain on my behalf. In fact, i’m very thankful, cos while i knew that my colleague’s anger towards me was not without reason and perhaps i wld have felt the same if i was in her shoes, it didn’t negate the hurt i felt by knowing that someone feels this way towards me. My reaction towards my hurt feelings was to dismiss it, by trying to empathise with this colleague. In other words, if i were to go back to the analogy, i kinda went soft on the attacker and didn’t attend to my wound. Gotta admit, i have never seen things from this perspective before. So i’m really grateful that this colleague recognised that i was indeed wounded, and he brought it to my attention so that i can attend to it as well.

Another colleague shared with me that we all probably have things to learn from this incident. I was still upset about just finding out about my colleague’s anger towards to me so i responded wrly, maybe my lesson is not to be so nosy next time. On hindsight, i know that’s definitely not the lesson. Maybe THIS is the lesson… to recognise psychic attacks and learn to balance compassion towards others AND myself, in other words, not to focus so much about another person’s well-being at the expense of my own.

Although usually i think i’m quite good at taking care of myself…well, i guess this incident proved me otherwise.

My colleague J was also sharing about his own work experiences, and at the end of it all, he sighed and wondered how come a Buddhist work place can have such conflicts. At that very moment, an insight came to my head. Having very firm faith in the presence of dharma protectors in SY, i believe that from a Buddhist perspective, SY can never be a bad place to work in. I also learnt and firmly believe that enemies and obstacles are our spiritual stepping stones towards enlightenment, for without them, we won’t have the opportunities to cultivate the qualities that are a prerequisite for enlightnment.

So i shared with J, that perhaps SY is something like a training school for serious Buddhist practitioners, and all these conflicts and politics are really opportunities for us to put our cultivation to the test. As i shared this, i experienced goosebumps. These are the type of goosebumps that appear whenever i was saying something that was spot-on, as if unseen beings were giving me little pats (or maybe hugs!) as affirmation. So I knew that was the truth, and it made me feel so much better.

Well, while this incident have been quite eventful, and it has not reached a conclusion yet, i feel lighter and more at ease, and i know that it has happened for a reason. As my colleague said, we all have lessons to learn from it. I know that my act came from good intentions, and while it seemed to have opened Pandora’s box, in this case, it was something to the effect of detoxification. It’s gonna get messy for a while, but after that, it will all be much better and clearer. So hopefully i can remain calm and centred and survive it all unscathed, stronger and wiser. May Green Tara assist me in my healing, as well as guide me in my thoughts and actions so that i can continue to shine light in places where it is needed.

PS: Sigh.. realise there are many typos in this entry and it’s very rambling… prob reflects my current state of mind. Ok, gotta do more meditation!