Sweet Miracles

Before i report the miracles, first, some sad news that’s happening in the family.

My dad has recently run away a 2nd time. Thank gdness he was found on the 2nd day. However he has almost succeeded in running away a 3rd time, and i believe this won’t be the last. I just proposed to my mum’s family, the whole group of uncles and aunties, that we send my dad to a home. This has been violently opposed by them before, but i wanted to share my two cents’ abt my dad, which i have yet to do. I know that in the Chinese culture, it’s considered very unfilial to send your parent to a home. But if my dad was receiving proper care at home, i wldn’t be considering this option. Being unable to offer my mum and sis much practical support, i cannot expect them to change their behaviour towards my dad, and i think the situation is dire enough for my dad to go to a home. It may not be home, but if we find a respectable one, my dad will at least get more respect and care there.

Well, my email received 6 replies, including my sis, who was already in the midst of comparing different homes. Amongst the remaining 5, 1 showed support, 2 were discouraging but still showed some kind of support, 1 was discouraging, 1 was neutral. I decided to write to the uncle who gave the neutral response, explaining to him more about the situation at home. To my surprise, he was able to understand my view and gave me his blessings, which touched me very much.

I have been troubled by my family situation for some time, only i haven’t given it much attention till recently. Mostly, my feeling was of helplessness, because my family isn’t fantastic at communicating, and my attempts at discussing this issue with my mum and sis was more often than not met with cold detachment. I guess my dad’s running away was enough of a signal asking for help, and i decided to voice out my views with the entire family, because the amt of support they give is directly proportionate to my mum’s agreement with the decision to send him to the home. Even though not all of the replies were supportive, i’m still relieved that everyone is at least responsive, and i can still count on their support in this aspect. I’m really grateful to have the support of that uncle and another younger family member. Every bit counts a lot.

Still, even finding a gd home is no easy task, so i do plan to consult with more pple on this matter, in order to get more advice and guidance. Maybe the home won’t be the ultimate choice after all. But a lot depends on whether i get the right kind of help for my mum. Well, my uncle’s support made me feel very hopeful, and i believe that Green Tara will lead me to finding the right pple who would help us to make the best decision for the whole family.

2nd sad news is that little boy has been sick for the past 3 days, with fever and slight cough. His appetite has been almost zil as a result, and this always gets me down. In addition, he cannot go to childcare and i’m so worried that whatever improvement he has made in his adaptation to school is going down the drain, and by the time he recovers, we have to start from square one again.

He likes to sing the Two By Two song from childcare a lot, and often sings it, even in his sleep! But when i asked him if he wants to go back to school, his answer was don’t want. Ok, i know it’s my own expectations, but i do feel quite down, thinking about after how much effort i have made into manifesting what i assume to be the ideal environment for him, his response is less than lukewarm. I don’t know if this is just the normal expected response of any toddler starting childcare, but i guess i was hoping that right from day one, he would be excited to go to school. Oh well, guess i was being overly optimistic there.

Also, a few changes have happened in the childcare centre around the time that little boy started school, which are giving me second doubts too. One change that bugs me most is the teacher:child ratio. During the 1st 2 days i accompanied to little boy to school, there was about 1 teacher to 4 children, which is much better than most childcare centres. But in the following week, there was an influx of children from another childcare centre that has closed down and on my last few visits to the place when i dropped little boy off, i seem to be seeing fewer teachers, though i didn’t investigate on this. Anyway, the current ratio seems to be more like 1 teacher to 6 or 7 children. :/ Even if Waldolf teaching philosophy is more hands off, i still believe that the ratio should be 1 teacher to as few children as possible, cos hands off doesn’t mean you don’t give attention out of the corner of your eye or something.

The other thing is at least 1 teacher is unhappy about little boy going in the afternoon cos she feels it interrupts the routine and creates hassle for the teachers. I don’t know how many teachers are unhappy about it, and if they are still unhappy. But i don’t want little boy to go to childcare and feel unwelcomed. As it is, i can imagine the unpleasantness of being the only kid to enter a crowded place where other kids are already in the midst of lunch or other activity. Little boy does not need the added pressure of feeling the unhappiness of the teachers.

So all these are making me slightly down, cos i had such high hopes of this place and was so excited abt little boy starting school. Doesn’t help that now that little boy is sick and it’s back to having my in laws take care of him, i’m super paranoid about him getting pampered and watching tv all day long, because which kid would not prefer such lifestyle to going to school? Well, Mr Gua Gua is trying his best to get his parents to coorporate in limiting the tv watching, but still…. sigh! Not that i don’t trust Mr Gua Gua, but discipline is another issue and i also don’t expect my in laws to change their parenting style to one that i’m totally comfortable with.

These are all the worries that come with having a kid. I know many of them are unnecessary, and a side effect of being a perfectionist and a worrier. Well, i am just trying my best to occupy my empty moments with thoughts of Green Tara, chanting om mani padme hung, and doing imagined EFT, so that i don’t allow my worries to get the better of me. So far, still under control. *cross fingers*

Another little sad news is that Mr Gua Gua and i had a major quarrel in the morning. I was crying over a really minor issue, and Mr Gua Gua being Mr Gua Gua, was able to open to me about his own work related troubles – he has always been better at expressing his inner feelings really – and somehow it occurred to me that i could have picked up on his negative feelings, and thought it was because of that minor issue. We had a gd cry together. It was interesting for me because even as the tears poured out, a part of me was enjoying it. It’s almost as if i wanted to cry, and my body and my face was responding to this need to cry, yet i was feeling quite emotionally clear. I do believe that most of these tears were coming from my empathising with Mr Gua Gua’s feelings – a lil like surrogate crying?

Anyways, it was indeed a gd cry, for me at least. The only thing is that after that, i was feeling kinda low and when little boy didn’t want to coorporate during lunchtime, i lost my temper and walked out of the house in a huff. Only in the evening, did my mum in law tell me that he didn’t have appetite for the whole day, so it turned out that he wasn’t being rebellious, but just wasn’t feeling well. Well, i EFTed myself before coming home, and hearing this news didn’t impact me in terms of guilt. Instead, i was rather loving towards little boy. He put up a big fuss when my mother in law left the house and insisted on going along to pick Mr Gua Gua up. I sat him on my lap and tapped on him while i sang Green Tara song. Unfortunately, his tears continued, though it is possible that without the tapping/singing, his crying would be even more intensified.

Finally, i had to resort to gd ol’ nursing and he calmed down within a minute. I continued with surrogate tapping and singing Green Tara. Minutes later, he was back to his cheerful self! Later still, i asked him if he wanted me to sing more Green Tara. He told me Blue Tara. I was confused, cos little boy knows Green Tara and is able to say her name correctly, so i didn’t know where was this Blue Tara coming from cos i don’t know of a Blue Tara.

Then i realised that little boy must be referring to Medicine Buddha (pic below). I have been doing reiki for him and would mentally chant Medicine Buddha’s name at the same time. Last night, even as i slept, i tried to continue chanting Medicine Buddha’s name, so some of my dreams were interspersed with chanting. Well, i have yet to introduce Medicine Buddha to little boy, but if he is saying Blue Tara, which i have never heard of, it’s quite likely that little boy has actually seen Medicine Buddha himself!

It’s not that unbelievable, as i know of at least 2 other pple who have seen Medicine Buddha in the form of blue light. One of them even had a photo taken of a blue light over his body, when he was very sick (the person who took the photo asked for permission before clicking the camera), and i saw the photo with my own eyes.

Well, i’m done with the sad news for now, and i’m glad that most of them came with little miracles. Other little miracles happened at work for me today. I went to work feeling down after what happened in the morning. “Coincidentally”, 2 out 3 clients told me on that day they couldn’t make it for their appt, which was a gd thing given my state.

And also very “coincidentally”, the client that did come, had issues that were similar to mine e.g. need to be in control, need for clean house. Somehow, i was able to bring out my cheerful, humourous side when talking with her, and as i tapped on her and said some positive things related to her issues, i made a point to absorb my own words for my own issues too. So it was a healing session for me too. The session did help her as well, and she gave me more positive ratings than usual. She also gave me a little Dharma book, which is timely cos i think i need to remind myself of Buddhist teachings, to keep me grounded and clear-headed.

Work always has a gd effect on me. Perhaps it’s the Buddha statue in the office, that reminds me of Buddha’s serenity and wisdom. My mood quickly improved as i chitchatted with the cleaning lady and other colleagues. Towards the end of the day, i discussed with my colleague on the upcoming EFT lunchtime talk (been postponed, so now early June!), and i mentioned to him about my plans to organise EFT workshops on my own in July, using the centre facilities if allowed. He gave me his support and was willing to help me with poster design, publicity, etc. He was also quite optimistic about management giving approval, and gave me some strategic tips. It’s such a difference discussing my plans with him as compared to the other more negative colleague. The latter was just as supportive, but with him, i was made to feel more cautious and having to prepare for rejection. The company we keep is really impt, esp with regards to manifestations.

After my discussion with this colleague, i decided to go straight to my president to get her permission. Turns out she was meeting with our new ED, and she asked me to talk to both of them at the same time. It was my first time talking with the new ED, but i just plunged into telling him how i came to learn EFT, what it has done for me and clients, and my plans to conduct EFT workshops. He asked questions abt EFT which showed that he was open to what i was saying, even interested to know more. In the end, both of them gave me the go-ahead. It was almost too easy to be true, after all that i have heard abt the new ED from other colleagues. My impression of him is of this kind fatherly figure, who cares about pple’s feelings. Other colleagues told me he’s a very corporate person, very strict on protocol, only working here for the pay. Well, i don’t know abt all that, but i just like him v much, and think i’m going to look forward to working under him as a boss. It’s ok if the boss is strict, so long as he is kind and fair.

So there’s been both gd and bad things happening in my life, and i’m thinking, really, the bad may not be all that bad. I still choose to believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason, and even good things can come out of the so-perceived bad things. Call me a cock-eyed optimist, but this attitude does make living life a lot easier, and it has brought me nothing but miracles, in all shapes and sizes.

Btw, on the way home, a song popped into my head. It’s by a singer who became famous through youtube. I caught her interview on the morning news a couple weeks back, and i was simply enthralled by her beautiful voice and her sincere personality. It is a love song, and hearing it somehow put me into a hopeful mood, feeling like everything is possible, even magic. I think it’s the spirit she put into her singing, and she did mention that she hoped to make a positive impact on the world through her music. If i get the chance to find her contact, i will let her know that her music did have a positive impact on at least 1 person – me!

Here’s the youtube she self-created for your enjoyment.

PS: Thanks little wei for offering me your listening ear today after work. Hope i didn’t spoil your dinner hor!