Sweet Miracles

Peace jam to go with emotion soup

I’m so hooked on Faith Rivera, and i just love the free sampling of music on her website (www.faithrivera.com). Aliah told me (one of my angels, apparently, whom I made contact with at Ailee’s “investigative/unconventional” hypno session), half an hour of Inner Dance every day if possible. And the free sampling of music on Faith’s website comes up to just about half an hour, which i sometimes finish off with a youtube search on her “Child of the universe” cos that one makes me feel all soft and flowy inside.

Why am i dancing so much? U may wonder. My mum thinks i’m nutty (as usual) and worried that i’m involved in something bad. Well, that’s the problem when your mum reads your blog. Everything becomes transparent, and sometimes, it’s good , sometimes it invites judgment and criticism.

Then again, i’m on the path of accepting myself regardless of what other pple think of me. So in a way, having my mum read my blog is a good opportuity for me to train my ability to stay true to myself – even if she thinks i’m going off the deep end.

We had another “talk” today where she got all teary, as she asked me how come i am being stubborn and self-centred, and thinking that i’m so perfect.

Geez… it actually took me much time and money and work to get me to this state of thinking that i’m perfect.

And actually i don’t. Well, but i’m on my way there.

So i was telling her, this is exactly what i write about in my book and what i teach to others, and this is the talk i want to walk. We can’t love others till we love ourselves. We can’t help others till we have forgiven ourselves and made peace within ourselves. We can’t make the world a better place, until we see ourselves as beings worthy of a safe and loving world.

Teachings based on fear, shame and guilt are all so passe…. super super outdated, and it never worked right from the start. Why would i want to criticise myself to bits if that’s only going to make me feel so bad that i start going into depression or venting it out on others? Been there, done that. Didn’t work too well for me, nor the pple ard me.

But my mum, being my mum, having been brought up in a certain way, and experienced life in a certain way, of cos, she cldn’t see it the way i see it. So what else cld i do?

Do EFT lo… and Ho’oponono at the same time.

It’s hard to radiate love and peace when your mum is crying in front of you, feeling utter despair at the kind of person her daughter has turned into (who thinks she is perfect!). But i did try, and after 5 min or so, she went back to the room, and a while later, heard her shouting at my dad. But within the next hour, everything went back to normal again.

But that’s life. I no longer expect pple to understand how i think, much less accept how i think. Hell no… if i dun understand how others think, why shld i expect it from others. Human beings are so complicated… i have a hard enough time understanding my own thoughts sometimes. These days, i just do what Ailee teaches. Head drop to heart. No thoughts. Just breathe. Just love. Just be!

It does make life a lot easier not to think so much. Imagine, we spend so much of our lives investing in developing our minds, when the odds of the very same mind we invested in completely turning our life into chaos with its irrational twisted thoughts are so high (just that last sentence alone may give you an inkling of how complicated my mind can get!).

But hey, i’m laughing even as i write this entry. I guess that’s improvement for me. Laughing at my own insanity. How ridiculously silly the mind can get, and how obsessive we can be in indulging in our thoughts.

I guess i’m in love. It’s amazing to be in love. When i say this, i literally mean it. I feel like i’m engulfed in this cloud of love. And the most amazing thing is, i didn’t demand for it to be here. I didn’t even expect it to be here.

When i laughed, it just appeared. Soft fluffy love kissing my arms, my cheeks, my heart. I almost feel like Strawberry Cupcake lying on a pink marshmallow cloud.

The mind demands to know, “What do you mean you are in love? Helloooo… u are sitting alone in front of the computer… your mum just cried in front of you this morning, your dream mate is in fantasyland…what right do you have to be in love?”

Like an indulgent mum, i’m absentmindedly patting it on the shoulder… “yes yes… go ahead, do what you need to do…”

And i’m still enjoying this warm glow on my skin, marvelling the wondrous fact that i can be in love without having to do anything, without having to have anyone with me. I can be loved, and BE love. Just like that.

Life is beautiful.