Sweet Miracles

Ever since that entry, i have practically made it my “mission” to cut away clients who are just not ready for change. My attitude has drastically changed, and i’m no longer Ms Nice. In the past week, i have told 2 clients that i will not be seeing them in their current state, and hinted to another regular client that she is really not addressing deeper issues but just those on a symptomatic level.

Frankly, i don’t think i was really mean to them. Just not as “nice” as i used to be, and i think it was not a genuine nice-ness, but one borne out of a need to please the other party as well as my need to be everyone’s saviour. The first client actually told me that he felt he was wasting my time, and has been wasting my time these 2 years. The old me would have denied it adamantly and tried to make him feel good, blah blah. Instead, I resisted the urge to do that and agreed with him, while the bells in my head rang loud and clear, that this is the time to end counselling. I explained to him that he may appear as if he wants to let go of his problem, the truth is that a part of him did not want to, and was not ready to, which can be seen from the lack of focus in sessions, his inability to do his homework consistently, irregular sessions and his wish for a technique that can work immediately (even EFT doesn’t promise that!).

It was my first time being so frank to a client in a way that risked upsetting or offending them. In fact, he actually cried, and my response to his tears was a feeling of compassion rather than guilt. I knew i was only stating the truth, and while truth hurts, it might have been the wake up call that he needed. What i wrote in my last entry on this subject, that keeping a KIV client despite lack of changes could keep them in the false belief that they are doing something to help themselves, which is by coming for counselling, when the truth is that, they weren’t - i felt strongly that this really applied for this particular client. I would rather him feel deserted by me and finally feel the urge to get off his butt to do something, than to continue in this fantasy that both of us are accomplishing something by meeting once in every few weeks.

In any case, i also gave him some genuine affirmations and he still gave me a perfect ten feedback form. I guess he really felt guilty for wasting my time, though i shared with him that he gave me a most precious learning lesson, that i honestly cannot help someone who doesn’t want to change. Well, i must say, we ended off on a good note, and while i know he was still emotional at the end, sometimes, emotions are the trigger for change, isn’t it?

The 2nd client wasn’t too happy with me though. I wasn’t too happy with her either. She came in telling me that she felt calm and relaxed, and she felt ok - in a way. I was used to her pattern, and i knew that she was in self-protection mode. I have tried persuading her, lecturing her, doing psychoeducation, and mostly, i was wasting my breath. When she didn’t even want to tap for me, i decided to just let it go. She told me she just wanted someone to talk to, and that’s what i became - someone who just listened, that’s it. Even when she looked at me for advice, or some kind of response, i stayed completely neutral, and at times, mimicked her posture. The latter is a technique i learnt from Jeffrey Zeig. Mirroring the client is not only for gaining rapport (in this case, i actually wanted to lose rapport with her!) but for directly experiencing what it’s like to be in the client’s posture and giving feedback to the client so he or she may become more aware of their inner state.

It was almost laughable to myself when i tried mimicking her defensive posture, with chest jutting out of the chair as if to show the world, hit me for all i care. I told her that in this posture, my chest felt cold and hard, and my body is tense all over, and i couldn’t even speak properly, which was true - my voice was strained and louder than usual. In fact, now that i think of it, it was impossible for her to feel her emotions in this posture cos of the body tension and the preoccupation with wanting to put on a strong front to the rest of the world.

I also mimicked her eyes - the widened eyes look where you can see the entire eyeball, and it’s also laughable in a way cos my eyes were just as big as hers, so when she commented my eyes were very big, i told her, so were hers. When i asked her if she knew she did this, and why she did it, she said, to take in more of the world, to gain perspective. I told her that if i wanted to gain perspective, i would - she cut in, put my head nearer to get a closer look - i corrected her, that i would withdraw my head backwards, using my hand stretched out as an example, so that i could see my hand more clearly.

Whereas when i widened my eyes the way she was doing, i felt i was challenging the other party, to get a point across. Again, this was indeed how i experienced this posture, and i believe it was the case for her. Everytime when she used this look on me, she has just finished saying some speech about how she should just let go of the problem and live with her own life. As i told her, what she said today were the perfect model answers, but none of it FELT right. And in my mind, i felt she was really saying it to prove something to me, with her widened eyes. If this was indeed her inner truth, there wouldn’t be a need to prove it to anyone else at all, and the sharing should come across in a very relaxed and loving manner, rather than with the defiance that she had.

This was not conventional therapy for me. It’s the first time i used Jeffrey Zeig’s mirroring technique so blatantly, without fearing i would offend the client. Perhaps i was so frustrated with the client’s pretence of being ok and insistence that she doesn’t need help, that i was ready to lose her anyway. In any case, aside from those couple of mimicking stuff, i really just listened to her, just the way she wanted. In the end, she told me she wanted to feel better, and this session has been pretty unproductive, and i told her, this is what she chose.

By the end of the session, i told her that i preferred to see clients who wanted to be in touch with reality and needed help with that because i could do a lot more with them. I didn’t want to see clients who decided that they are in hibernation mode and wanted to stay there, which is basically how she described herself more than once during the session. I told her it was fine that she wants to hibernate, but if i was in hibernation mode, then i would stay at home and hibernate, not make my way down to a counselling centre to tell the counsellor all about it which doesn’t quite make sense does it?

Essentially, i was telling her that she can come back to see me once she is ready to come out of hibernation mode. If she really wanted to talk to someone, she could always use SOS hotline or see a counsellor who doesn’t mind just listening to her. Like the first client, she apologised for wasting my time, but i could see she was a lil upset at me as well, and i told her that i was not sorry about the session. She gave me the opportunity to be true to myself in front of a client, instead of mincing my words cos i was afraid of offending the other person. Well, she gave me an average 3.5 rating in the feedback form, which i half-expected and so didn’t feel upset abt it.

I’m not sure if that was the best way of helping her. Perhaps it wasn’t, and it would have been impossible since she didn’t want to be helped at all. The best thing i could do for myself was to tell her my expectations of my clients and not apologise about it. Telling her those words at the end of the session was quite uncomfortable for me, cos all along, i have been more focused on being nice and polite, and now i’m just being frank, and i told her abt my feelings as well, as a way to show that it’s ok to be honest and acknowledge the emotions that we feel, instead of just insisting I’M OK, when that’s not true.

Well, she may never come back to see me again, but i do hope that the session has benefitted her somewhat, even if it was just to show her a reflection of how she is like in our session.

Abreaction is a term that i learnt in 5 PATH class, and apparently, it’s a big no-no in traditional psychology. Guess what? 5 PATH stands for 5 Phase Abreactive Transformative Hypnotherapy. Abreactions are actually encouraged in 5 PATH, and honestly, i don’t see what’s the bad thing about abreactions. Then again, i haven’t seen much of the psychology field, and maybe there are some valid reasons for it, but so far, i think there is nothing wrong with tears and screaming, except that perhaps some pple get scared, including therapists.

I will be frank and admit that i got a lil freaked out during a recent session, where i got approached by a friend to do The Journey process for his friend who had cancer. He read The Journey halfway and was kinda skeptical about it. He was only here because his friend asked him to come. We had some trouble getting started, cos he is one of those folks who analyse everything and can’t feel. Even his feeling of calm was located in the head, which really meant that he was still very much on the cognitive level. There was no way i could carry on with the standard script so i decided to explain to him how we tend to distract ourselves from our emotions, cos we were taught not to express them, or that having emotions are bad. We end up pushing their emotions back where they came from and they get lodged up in the cells of our body. Over time, they become tumours and cysts and stones.

I guess something i said must have made sense, cos all of a sudden, he was feeling sadness in his chest. In less than 5 min, he was shaking all over. Another 5, he was screaming and howling, and he looked like he was literally in pain. Of cos i was shocked… nobody in The Journey has the kind of reaction he does, but then, i guess none of the participants were in the terminal stage of cancer either. It was a scene straight out of a horror movie cos he looked like he was possessed, and the demons in him finally got unleashed and wants OUT.

Well, i’ll save myself from going into too many details, cos i don’t know what that does for him or myself or any of you on an energetic level. Let’s just say that by the end of 20 min, he was on the floor with convulsions, and i have since the 1st 5 min of the session, let go of the idea of going further with The Journey with him, and basically have been alternating between surrogate tapping and direct tapping on him (when he wasn’t moving all over the place) as well as chanting Green Tara’s name, both for his sake and mine, cos i was really a lil freaked out.

The interesting thing was, i think a part of him was just watching the scene cos even while his body was still convulsing, he was laughing and joking about how he has only purged out less than half of whatever was in his body, and when i said to him, no wonder you have cancer, he laughed some more. So despite this seemingly extreme pain and anguish, i guess his soul was pretty aware of the healing that has finally begun.

I’m just thankful that i did a PLR with a friend on my fear of the supernatural just days ago, and i think it helped cos i was much calmer in this session than i prob would be otherwise. HE was pretty freaked out too, and when i congratulated him for being so brave to face his emotions, he quipped that it was because i stopped him from running out of the door. And NO, i didn’t… but of cos, the door was closed and the handle is quite tough for pple who are not used to it. But nah, he didn’t get to the door… maybe he collapsed on the floor before he was able to.

I think if a doctor or psychologist or any licensed conventional therapist was around, he might have been strapped or given a jab or something. But i really don’t know what actually goes on out there, even though i have heard stories from those who have been there. Even though a part of me was freaked out by his apparent temporary insanity, i also felt very connected with the divine, in the sense that my body felt warm, the room felt bright and i had a sense that whatever was happening, as crazy as it seemed, was appropriate for his healing.

All the same, i was still glad that his friend was next door waiting, cos i wldn’t have felt comfortable being the only person with him in the centre. Not that it wasn’t safe. I know he wldn’t have hurt me at all. But it was good that his friend was around, which put my paranoid mind at ease.

That was the wildest session i have had till date. I have never seen someone with cancer before, much less in the terminal stage, so this is a session of many firsts for me. I also got the opportunity to incorporate The Journey with EFT, as well as the skills i learnt from PLR course on how to guide a person through catharsis, basically by using a firm voice that is loud and gentle at the same time, to lead the client into experiencing the catharsis more fully as well as help him feel that he is not alone. Guess the universe knew exactly what i needed to learn to prepare myself for clients like him. EFT also came in handy in easing whatever shock he has about the session and anxiety for future sessions, cos i’m sure that most pple would not want to come back to have such a traumatising experience again, as healing as it might be. Much better to sleep in bed or watch a movie, yeah? Then again, in a life and death situation like his, one cannot afford not to go to this extent of healing oneself.

Well, i was hoping to see him more than once a week actually but he hasn’t contacted me, and i do hope that he will come back for our next appt this Sat. Let’s see what happens, and if we might even get through the remaining part of The Journey process.

I also got to incorporate part of The Journey techniques into my session with Mdm E yesterday. She was a difficult client who always had a multitude of complaints and worries about her son and husband, even though her real issue is her liver cysts and a whole lot of other physical problems. Yesterday i had her focus on the physical symptoms, going deeper and deeper, as if i was doing the Emotional Journey with her where the person is led down the emotions layer by layer. Her tears started flowing, and very soon, she was sobbing like a little girl. I truly felt like i was tapping on a very young girl, and it is possible that she was accessing traumas encountered at an early age, even though i didn’t manage to ask her, and in any case, she might not be consciously aware of it as well. This was when i realised what a gift little boy was to me in my helping career as well, because he brought out the nurturing, soothing side of me, and with this client who was sobbing like a little child, my heart went out to her and i found myself tapping on her as if she was my little girl.

It was more EFT than The Journey because i didn’t process any specific memories with her at all, but i hope that the tapping in itself managed to clear some blockages anyway. One sign that it has was her head and chest felt a lot better - during the process she complained of terrible pain running up and down her body from her head to back to arms - and now the strongest sensation left was the back pain, which appeared latest and actually correlated to the position of the back of her liver. Hopefully it means that we cleared away some of the layers and are now at the core issue or issues of the liver itself, whatever that may be. Again, let’s see what happens at the next session!

My work at the centre is getting more and more fulfilling and i’m simply amazed by how the techniques i have learnt from different courses are getting incorporated into my sessions in a way that seem to work. In another session with a client, he was in a dilemma of whether to raise a sensitive issue with his son. He said he felt lost, and i tapped with him on that, as well as his beliefs that led to the dilemma. Again, I used a technique that i learnt from the Master Class with Jeffrey Zeig, and i didn’t use any SUDs, cos sometimes, clients aren’t able to give numbers and it might not matter. He didn’t have any immediate cognitive shifts, and we talked about his beliefs which still remained strong, and i thought maybe EFT didn’t work so well here.

Who knows, at the end of our session, he had the idea of asking his son a very open-ended question and see what he says, which was a good solution to his dilemma, and he reported that he felt much more relieved because of what we did. Finally, i felt the satisfaction of having a client come up with his own solution as a result of our EFT, which is much much more immense than having a client who decided to take MY advice (and may or may not follow up on it). This is what i think is the real goal of counselling for me - to truly empower the client to access his or her own wisdom. My job is just to help them clear away the blockages, so that they can walk their path with more confidence and ease.

On reflection, in the past, i would have probably given the client advice with his son, or  perhaps give him alternative views, hoping to dissuade him from his own beliefs. Easy-peasy stuff, and not exactly respectful of the client’s world. In this particular session, i really did what i believed i ought to be doing - take whatever the client gives and accept it, allowing the client to come to his own realisation.

Ok, the above para is kinda repetitive in meaning, and i guess i do that a lot in my blogs which is why they are often so long, but i just need to reinforce my learning lessons to myself more than once, just to make sure it sinks in.

So many things to learn and discover these few days… it’s a satisfying job.

I am definitely losing the enthusiasm of a freshly graduated social worker/counsellor who wishes to help everyone she encounters, regardless of their background and circumstances and etc. When i was still in that wanting-to-help-everyone mode, i would read or hear about other experienced practitioners who speak of “enthusiastic newbies” and wonder what’s wrong with that, and how can they possibly be effective if they are sounding so cynical and world-weary, or should i say, client-weary.

Well, maybe i’m entering that more cynical stage now, even though i have only been in this line for 2 over years. Then again, having a honeymoon period that lasted 2 over years may be longer than what some of my colleagues in this field have. I have been noticing that my KIV cases seem to be proportionately greater than my colleagues of this centre, so it would appear that i am holding onto cases even though those clients have not been coming for a long time. From my survey, it seems like other colleagues don’t have much of a problem keeping their cases active or closing those inactive ones.

I did some reflection on it, and to cut the long story short, i guess i was hoping to be there for them when they were ready to come back for counselling and i didn’t want to be another person in their lives who left them in the lurch.

But now that seems really laughable and naive. In a way, it’s also doubting my clients’ own resourcefulness and elevating my own ego by allowing it to think that i am the only person who can help them. Now that i’m very much into learning about the energetic connection that we have with everyone who crosses our path, it finally just occurred to me moments ago as i’m writing this, that maybe my keeping the case file open creates some kind of energetic connection that keeps them in a victim mentality. Perhaps knowing consciously or unconsciously that they are still a client of my centre, it gives them an excuse to continue staying in their comfort zone. It’s very much like a teenager who will just sit there if the parent keeps nagging at them to do something, and once the parent goes on holiday, the teenager somehow manages to get off his butt and get things done.

In any case, i have been closing cases actively all the while. It’s just that i do have a higher no. of cases and there are incoming cases too, so the KIV ones start piling up. There are probably skills i need to develop to ensure a gd start, to reduce probability of client becoming KIV, and i will be looking in to that. But i also acknowledge the fact that client motivation is not something i am able to influence totally. And maybe this is a professionally-limiting belief. Hmm… i’m starting to confuse myself here!

Why i am blogging about this today is cos today for the first time, i found myself getting quite pissed by a client. Everytime i call him, he has lots to complain about his wife, and he expected me to be able to change her somehow - and they only came for 1 session! Today it was the same thing, and i found myself having a hard time empathizing with him because he was really critical towards his wife and while he says that he knows he has contributed to the problem, the fact is that he spends the majority of the time talking about his wife’s flaws and how things would be much better once SHE changes.

So i completely lost my patience with him and did the one thing that you do NOT do with clients - argue with them. Yup, and i was still struggling with wanting to be polite and tactful and professional, yet also feeling like i have to speak the truth that i was seeing (MY truth obviously, not his), so i couldn’t even get my words out smoothly, and they came out pretty untactful i think. Finally, even he gave up on talking to me and i basically apologised for being unhelpful and told him to look for another counsellor/therapist - one whom HE thinks would be THE one to successfully change his wife in one session. Geez… i think i actually used those words on him, which was very unprofessional, but i just couldn’t help myself. I guess my intention was really to encourage him to get further help, cos every therapist has their own style and techniques and i don’t mind if he thinks mine is unsuitable for him… but i guess my underlying message, my REAL message for him, was, get real - if you can’t bring yourself to counselling without your wife, because you don’t want to change before she does, don’t waste my time.

So as i was mentioning to Efrain in my reply to his recent comment, maybe i have a tappable issue here… and maybe not. Maybe not, because that might actually be a right, or at least, not uncommon attitude out there in this field. My hypnotherapy teacher does screen her clients before she accepts them as clients, and i think one of the major criteria is that they actually are motivated to change the problem i.e. themselves. Those who come only because they are sent by another family member are, i think, rejected by her.

And i’m starting to see the wisdom of that. It may sound rude, but truly, if you have no intentions of changing yourself, then coming for counselling is only a waste of time for yourself and the counsellor. Perhaps some counsellors are fine with just giving empathy i.e. a listening ear, and of cos, there is great value in that, IF it is seen as a means to an end. But if the client just wants empathy and nothing else, then might as well call SOS or a good friend, and don’t waste money on counselling.

Of cos, i have to admit that i was a lil too impatient with this fella - maybe if i had pretended to sympathise more with his situation, he would be more willing to come and see me by himself. But nahhhh…. i hate pretending, and i’m a bad pretender anyway. My faking would be so fake that anyone would have seen through it. Better that i tell him exactly what i think, so that he can find someone else who can truly sympathise with him, and at the same time, make him feel that yesss, he is right, and his wife is wrong, and he can continue being the same old same old without feeling like he needs to change!

It’s rare that i get this frustrated by a client so i sat at my desk not doing anything, except tapping, for a few moments, also kinda surprised by my own frustration and wondering if it’s some kind of transference. Just now it occurred to me, this feeling is rather similar to the feeling i had when i made that “oh poor sick me” remark in my last entry about Mr Gua Gua. Guess i do have very limited patience with people who only complain and do not want to move their butts. I’m still deciding what i want to do about this awareness, whether i think it’s something i want to change. Right now, i’m more inclined towards not changing. I can probably develop my patience, just for the sake of developing a virtue, but if that means allowing a person to continue ranting about why everyone else is wrong and he may be wrong too but other pple shld change FIRST, i don’t know how helpful is that going to be. If i do that, then i’m going to need to learn how to respond to the person so he/she realises that change starts from him/herself. Geez… actually, it’s as simple as saying that right? And if the person agrees, good, and if the person responds with a yes, but, then i can simply state that i only work with pple who want to change themselves, and happily end the conversation without feeling like i owe the other person anything.

Thank gdness, i had another encounter with a new client who was the direct opposite of this man. She have seen many previous counsellors before and my initial thought that she was one of those people who continue counselling because they keep going in circles due to not wanting to change. Yet, there was a glow about her, and i felt that she looked extraordinarily radiant for a person who have been abused since young and been in and out of abusive relationships.

Still, her unexpected healthful look didn’t prepare me for the speed with which we tapped on her issues. It was like zoom, zoom, zoom! She was so coorporative and open with using EFT that we fleshed out issues and neutralised them in a way that i have NEVER done before with any other client, and not only did she feel a whole lot better about certain stuff that used to be very painful for her, she also received a realisation that was so powerful for her that she was speechless for a few moments.

At the end, i told her that she’s a really gd client and she laughed, telling me that everyone seems to think so. Apparently, other counsellors and psychiatrists have told her the same thing (and i joked, maybe she shld do this for a career - being a professional client!). She added, that actually it’s because she really wants to change, and she revealed that aside from the issue that she brought to counselling today, she had a larger motivation, which was to clear her own issues sufficiently so that she can fulfill her goal of opening an orphanage.

At this point, i paused my writing for a while because… well, i’m not sure why either. First, i think i’m really touched by this lady who went through the session with me with such openness and courage, and finally, i could see how EFT can be that powerful with pple who really want to change. Second, i am in awe of her aspiration, and how she is fiercely determined to heal herself so that she can achieve this aspiration. She is, with no doubt, a lightworker - as one of the “criteria” Doreen Virtue states for being a lightworker - one who wishes to heal oneself so that one can help to heal the world. At the same time, i’m sincerely grateful for the opportunity to be a part of her healing journey with EFT. She did tell me that i’m good too, and we laughed together at the fact that she has enough experience with counsellors and other kinds of practitioners to know what she is saying, and i told her i will definitely take her feedback seriously! I was indeed grateful to her for affirming me, because i did need it today in particular, after the previous frustration. She requested to come next week, as she thinks weekly sessions will help her to change more quickly and guess what, i can’t wait for her to come back!

Sometimes, my jaw still drops (figuratively speaking!) at the thought of how some clients can achieve changes so quickly just within 2 or 3 sessions, and i can end counselling with them with both of us feeling that meaningful changes have been accomplished, as compared to other clients where things just get stagnant and neither of us really know where else to go. I’m still wondering, who is truly the one taking the lead in the counselling room. My skills and use of EFT are pretty standard with each client i see, yet the results i get vary from client to client.

I think this is why during the past life regression workshop, another coursemate who is a channeller and received messages for everyone, gave me the following message from the universe. “Counselling is a passive act. The counsellor cannot learn or do on behalf of the client and the counsellor must be careful not to let her ego get in the way, for that may interfere with the client’s healing process.” I left my file in the office and couldn’t copy the message directly from there, but i believe the essence of the message is there. This message is indeed very timely for me, and even up till now, i’m still absorbing it so that it becomes my truth as well. I think it answers all the questions i have in this entry, and confirms that i am on the right track, at least in knowing that i cannot do anything for the client until he or she takes the first step.

Okie… now i have renewed zeal to close the remaining KIV cases and make sure i only spend time on clients who are committed to healing themselves. Another part of the channeled message said that my current counselling is not helping me to maximise my abilities fully, and i will be getting more difficult clients soon, which will help to do that. Well, i’m definitely ready for the challenge, though i wish to send a request to the universe, please send to me only the ones who want to make the change and not know how to!

A lil more reflection before i end this pretty long entry. I just met a friend who is a very strong Christan and was giving me marital advice and suggesting that i pray about making changes. I have nothing against Christianity - in fact, i love Conversations with God, though not all Christians agree with the kind of God that is portrayed in there. While i admire this friend a lot for many reasons, i was rather thrown off by her passionate sharing about God as well as her advice on marriage. In fact, i was still nodding my head slowly, trying my best to absorb what she is saying, and when she brightly asked, so what change do you wish to begin with from today onwards, i was temporarily speechless. Finally i mumbled, i am going to think about it, and tried to lighten things up by saying, now i know how my clients feel!

I really did mean that as i was saying it. While i appreciated her good intentions and bubbling enthusiasm in trying to help me, it was all coming at a wrong time. First of all, i didn’t ask for any advice about my marriage. Maybe i was interested to listen about how she handled her marriage, but that didn’t mean i wanted to change how i handled mine! Secondly, i think it was totally inappropriate for her to ask me to pray to God when she knows i’m a Buddhist… and again, i appreciate and admire her good intentions, but surely, she could have been more subtle in her approach.

Geez, now i really do know how my clients feel, when i get all chirpy and eager to dispense advice and expect them to get right down to making changes straight after. Hopefully i don’t do that too often at all, and will not be doing that from now on. In fact, now i don’t feel like meeting that friend at least in the near future, until i have recovered from that blast of enthusiasm that felt a little traumatic! Oh dear… i feel a lil bad for even saying that even though it’s true, and i can’t believe that i actually did the exact same thing to a client today who was also a KIV case, and i was blabbing on and on about how i can definitely help her and won’t be forcing her to do anything she is not ready for, even though i was in a way forcing her to come for counselling. No wonder she sounded like she wanted to end the call as quickly as possible! Haha…it can be so easy to think we know it all huh! Sigh… i guess this is a lesson i’m going to have to learn over and over again, until i finally get that we all have our OWN timing, and no one can bring us to a different stage until we ourselves decide we want to. Ok…i think i get it now… hopefully!

Geez, now i understand better why Jeffrey Zeig, trainer of Master Class that i attended in May this year, in one of the role plays, gave a client a really hard time. She wanted to make more time for herself and Jeffreg was basically sneering at her and being very skeptical about her being able to make the change. The more persistent she was, the more bored and skeptical he became; and the more bored and skeptical he was, the more desperate she was in trying to convince him. Even in the thank you card we signed at the end of the course, she was promising him that she’s going to do something about her issue after the course.

That time i felt he was being unkind and really felt sorry for her. Now I see the wisdom of this kind of therapy. Talk about reverse psychology! Hmm…maybe i have to learn how to be compassionately unkind from now on.