Sweet Miracles

I’m at my mum’s place with little boy this week, despite Mr Gua Gua’s great reluctance which is understandable of cos as he’s the one who has to make the sacrifice of being away from us (and you made it anyway for little boy’s sake, thank you!), as i’m on course 5 days this week, which means my in laws need to bring him to childcare.

Knowing my in laws’ protectiveness with little boy, and the latter’s resultant tendency to be more mischievous and clingy when they are ard, my greatest concern would be that they would face their own separation anxiety with little boy when dropping him off, which would then intensify little boy’s separation anxiety. The worst situation i can think of, is that they end up bringing him back home cos they just can’t stand to see him cry. Perhaps that is not likely to happen but it is still a possibility. Another more likely one is that my MIL stays around and interferes with the teachers’ efforts to orientate little boy to the place and bond with him. Or when they pick him up and little boy happens to cry, which is a common thing to happen cos little kids tend to save up their emotions for their closest caregivers whom they feel safe with, they might think this childcare centre is lousy and worsen their already not-too-good impression of this place. Already they were thinking that little boy is not getting enough to eat and gets bullied by everyone, and goodness knows what else. Sigh, they might as well think that i’m sending to little boy to prison. :/

Well, maybe you can say that i’m being too paranoid about my in laws’ paranoia, and perhaps i am. But i guess paranoia is contagious in that way too! Mr Gua Gua would prob agree that at least one of the above is likely to happen, and that’s why he ended up going with my decision finally, albeit not happily. At least, i feel very much more reassured with my mum taking him to childcare and picking him up. I got my bo-chupness (laidback attitude) from my mum, and i knew that she would be “heartless” enough to leave him there even if he were to cry very pathetically. This is a necessary transition for little boy to go through after all. The crying would be inevitable, and needs to be allowed, so that hopefully the transition phase is shortened. I have heard of parents who give up too soon and quit childcare. Well, it’s each parent to his or her own, and we all know what’s best for our child. But definitely, crying is to be expected on the 1st day of childcare without the caregiver ard, and the best approach is to be lovingly detached, which i know my mum was capable of.

Today, i think was the day that i was most anxious abt little boy, in his whole of 2+ years. I didn’t even think of him this much on my first day back to work (or did i?). I seldom think of little boy outside the house, unlike Mr Gua Gua who claims he thinks of us all the time, but today, my thoughts kept going to him, especially about 12+ pm, 1 hour after drop off, when little boy would have finished lunch and getting ready for nap time, and hopefully mum would have gone home. My concern doubled when my mum didn’t answer my calls or smses and i was having all kinds of imaginings that my mum was still there because of little boy’s crying, which is a big no-no, cos the longer she stays, the more clingy little boy would remain and the harder for the teachers to take care of him, which i’m confident from what i have observed were capable of doing.

Thank goodness my mum finally answered my call a while later. According to her, she left half hour after dropping him off, and at first, little boy was really happy to be there. He knew where to take his shoes off, and he even kept it in the proper place, in the shoe cabinet. It sounded like he was showing the place off to my mum, and he went upstairs to join the other kids who were playing after their bath. Unfortunately, there was a new batch of kids who came from the nearby childcare centre that has closed down, and THEY were crying. My mum said that this prob scared little boy and he started bawling too. My mum has never heard little boy cry so long, so thank gdness it was my mum and not my in laws to be there, cos if my mum can feel heartache for little boy, i wonder what it would be like for my in laws.

During lunch, little boy refused to sit but Teacher H got him to sit on her lap and asked my mum to go. I was relieved to hear that Teacher H took charge of little boy, cos i felt that she would be able to take gd care of him. My mum reported that as she was leaving the centre, little boy’s crying got softer. Later when she went to pick him up, another teacher told her that little boy only cried for a short while, and he did sleep a little at nap time, which is great! He was also having fun on the see-saw with his friends when my mum came. Hopefully little boy is adapting to the place well. I will be taking him to childcare tomorrow before going to work, so will chat with the teachers to find out more if possible.

I did ask little boy abt sch. I know, parents ask their children way too many question (and maybe that’s why they end up becoming teenagers who give monosyllabic answers to everything), but i cldn’t help it. This was our conversation:

Me: Did you sleep in school today?
LB: Sleep
Me: Did you play in school?
LB: Play
Me: Did you sing songs?
LB: “No answer” (maybe he only listened to them singing songs cos he didn’t know the songs yet)
Me: DId you play see saw?
LB: Yes.. see saw
Me: Do you want to go to school tomorrow?
LB: Nooooo…. (a long drawl)

Well, i wasn’t surprised at his no. Of cos, home is much better, with the freedom to do anything he wants at any time, compared to school where you have to follow a certain routine. But later, when i asked him, Mummy bring you to school tomorrow ok? And he said ok. Hopefully he doesn’t take it to mean that i’ll be staying with him throughout. Will have to make sure i explain it to him a few times tomorrow before going, so he is prepared to see me leave, and hopefully won’t be too upset.

Sigh, i did surrogate tapping for him today and wonder if it worked. Well, at least i have this tool to use tomorrow…hopefully it won’t even be needed!

The gd thing about Mr Gua Gua’s business trips is that i get a respite from the daily chores and caretaking at my mum’s place, as my mum who is super duper efficient takes care of everything, even before i say the words little boy.

I have been really enjoying this past few days a fair bit, with mum’s cooking, the delegation of little boy’s caretaking to my mum and sis, and amazingly, in these few days, i have managed to watch more than half of the Mastering EFT DVDs, which are as usual very inspirational and entertaining to watch too.

Little boy has been enjoying himself here too. Thank gdness his cough has improved since the 2nd day here, and aside from the natural healing process, i suspect it’s because in my family, illness is not given excessive attention and hence, doesn’t have other purpose in remaining if the body doesn’t need it anymore. I have read about and observed other families where the sick person is given so much attention, because of the illness, that it seems to contribute to the person’s frequent sickness, aside from that person’s own constitution. After all, sickness is very much in the mind, as it is in the body, and if a person comes to equate sickness to love and attention, physical discomfort may become a small price to pay in exchange for love and attention, and whatever benefits that appear to come along with being sick.

Of cos, the converse is true. To be honest, often enough, i used to stay home from school on the pretext of not feeling well. It was more of emotional unwellness, than physical, although being emotionally unwell also meant that i wasn’t feeling that great physically either.

However in my current phase of life, i only fall sick once or twice a year, and those are genuine cases where i could hardly walk even if i wanted to. Work gives me so much satisfaction, and as it is, i already work only 20 hours a week, that i wouldn’t wanted to miss a day of work if i could help it. In addition, staying home from work means even more work, because little boy would be demanding my time and energy, regardless of how sick I am, so i wouldn’t be getting my rest anyway. So even if i was just mildly sick, i would choose to go to work where I could at least get a few moments of peace and quiet to myself. Haha, that’s my little “secret” revealed.

I guess the best form of respite is firstly, a place where i could relax without little boy around, and my mum’s place comes second best, because without the chores for me to attend to, i was free to do my own things, including playing with little boy. I definitely spend more quality time with little boy at my mum’s place than at home, where i usually have to multi-task and talk to little boy while doing the chores.

As I have mentioned before in related entries, it does take a village to raise a child. Of cos, if my mum’s part of the village, you hardly need anyone else since she’s happy to be on her feet the whole day long - sometimes i really admire her energy and efficiency. Mine is about 30% of hers, and i’m already more efficient than most, so just imagine hers! (There’s a downside to such efficiency too… when she’s on a rampage, you better not get in her way!)

Little boy’s definitely enjoying the attention too. He just loves my sister, and would stick to her in the mornings and evenings when she’s back from work. The other night, he was with my sis on her bed, and i was asking him to go to bed. He threw himself face down on the bed response. I asked him, oh you want to sleep with Yi Yi tonight? And my sis played along and asked him to say goodnight to me. Immediately he faced me with the biggest grin on his face, stuck his hand out at me and said loud and clear, GOODNIGHT! BYEEE! That was the first time i heard him say goodnight, and geez, i sure didn’t expect him to be saying it to me, since i’m always the one to ask him to say goodnight to other people before we go off to bed together. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to sleep with Yi Yi. He confirmed by saying again, GOODNIGHT!!!!

Well, in the end he did come to look for me, but i thought this was amusing enough to blog about.

This morning, he woke up nice and early and this was the conversation we had.

LB: Knock knock… door!

Me: Whose door? (asking the obvious but still asking)

LB: Yi Yi!

Me: Yi Yi still sleeping, wait till Yi Yi wake up then go knock knock. Ok? (accompanied with thumbs up gesture, before i changed to the more accurate ok gesture)

LB: …. *considering what i said* Bad!

Me: (thinking he has changed conversation topic) Bag? What bag?

LB: Bad! (shows me thumbs DOWN gesture)

And he ran off to my sis’s room to knock on her door. She answered the door almost immediately, and little boy’s voice rang out sweetly, HIIIII! Hee, i guess that would be a great start to my sis’s day.

Little boy’s comprehension and conversation skills certainly improves with each day, so i’m adding this new category. Pretty sure there will be many upcoming entries to be linked to this category, so just look out!