I have been meeting interesting pple these days thanks to the homeopath friend i met through hypnotherapy class. One of them is a lady whom i chatted with for over an hour yesterday. She’s a really fascinating woman, and she shared with me about her work, the challenges she has faced in her life, the people she encountered as clients and in workshops. It was very nice to listen to her cos she was so open and warm and humourous, so i just listened, without any expectations or pressure to respond. Maybe it’s cos i was so engaged in her sharing, that she shared so much too… who knows.

Anyway, she’s into the healing field as well, and does workshops to help people find themselves and their life purpose. She’s such a sincere and inspiring speaker that i can see myself joining her workshop one day when the conditions are right. We came to talk about my issue of abundance, or rather, scarcity, and she asked me a few questions which i couldn’t really come up with any reply for.

We were not having a coaching session, but i sensed that she wanted to help me (and indeed, later she told me she was). We didn’t get anywhere, except for some new-agey intellectual kinda advice, which wasn’t a problem with me cos as i said, it wasn’t a coaching session and i was just enjoying her personal sharing.

Eventually, i asked her to send me info about her workshop and wrote down my email for her. When she saw my email, she did a double take and asked me how come my email id is fuzzylena. I laughed cos i knew where she was coming from, and i told her i just had this from a very young age and i’m not even sure why i chose this name. She asked me if i knew that fuzzy doesn’t have very postive connotations. Again, i laughed, even though she was being serious.

She was like, no wonder i feel that during all this, you are here but not here. I was both bemused and curious at the same time. Yes, i believed in numerology and importance of your name and all, but i never thought that an email would have any significance on the person. At the same time, there was a part of me that was slapping her head and saying, geez…i shld have known better. After all, with the advent of Internet, email id has become almost as impt as your personal name, and reflects your identity just as much as your real name. So all this while, i have been portraying myself as a fuzzy person… whatever that is!

I guess after the hilarity of this discovery (she felt that THIS was the breakthrough she was hoping me to get), i am rather stunned. In fact, i was quite speechless and didn’t know what to say. Suddenly, all the pieces of my life came together. Ok… at least all the FUZZY pieces. These were the scenes that flashed through my mind. The times when i was seemingly multi-tasking and doing 5 things at one time, in a totally haphazard manner, until i would forget what it is i was supposed to do next, and before i even get there, i get distracted and do something else instead. This happens most when i’m doing office admin and when i’m in the kitchen (which explains why i’m not very gd in office admin, and the kitchen often looks like a mess). There are also those other times when my mind goes blank in a social situation, not cos of anxiety, but simply cos i either didn’t know what was going on, or i don’t know what to think, OR i don’t know how to put my thoughts into words.

Who knows if it’s all because my email id is fuzzylena! But i have this feeling that there is some kind of link, and it’s all thanks to my choice in this cute-sounding (at least to a 9 yr old me!) name that has apparently made me identify with the fuzzy part of me, and portray myself as a fuzzy person. She said different pple prob have different interpretations of fuzzy (really?), so everyone prob sees me according to their own interpretation as to what fuzzy means.

What DOES fuzzy mean anyway? Oh yeah… now i rem, i prob thought the word was cute because it reminded me of those fuzzy-wuzzy hairy ball thingy that used to be quite popular years ago. I also knew there was the term fuzzy logic, which i didn’t quite get at that time, and still don’t get till today. Guess fuzzy also connotes unclear, distorted, blur? Geez… now why didn’t i use some other email name, like queenlena, or lovegoddess…

Well, now i have at least one reason that explains why part of my life and my actions are fuzzed-up, guess i need to undo the fuzz. And i was groaning in front of her, about all the internet admin i would have to do. She assured me that this shouldn’t be a reason to get stressed, and i prob just need to do it step by step which is true.

The other question is, if not fuzzylena, then what? She said if i just take some time to meditate on it, i will think of something. Hmm… guess i’ll send out a call to the universe for some divine inspiration for a new email id.

Health is another thing that i’m going to manifest for. While i’m the healthiest one in the family right now (both little boy and Mr Gua Gua down with cough, the latter in a pretty bad state), i don’t feel that great either. My energy level is at an all-time low, despite 8-10 hours of sleep every night, and my pale complexion with dark eyebags are staring back at me with a frown everytime i look in a mirror. Wonder if i should see a doc or something… hmm, maybe will try EFT first and see how it goes.

Career-wise, things continue to look interesting. My colleague is helping me to advocate for acceptance of EFT, and the ED seems to be considering it. Though frankly, i’m not sure if i care anymore. I believe in synergy of working in groups, yet, organisations have their disadvantages, with everyone having their own views, and politicking. Will just keep an open mind and see where the universe takes me to!

“Listening is an art not easily come by, but in it there is beauty and great understanding. We listen with the various depths of our being, but our listening is always with a preconception or from a particular point of view.

We do not listen simply; there is always the intervening screen of our own thoughts, conclusions, and prejudices. To listen there must be an inward quietness, a freedom from the strain of acquiring, a relaxed attention.

This alert yet passive state is able to hear what is beyond the verbal conclusion. Words confuse; they are only the outward means of communication; but to commune beyond the noise of words, there must be in listening, an alert passivity.

Those who love may listen, but it is extremely rare to find a listener. Most of us are after results, achieving goals; we are forever overcoming and conquering, and so there is no listening. It is only in listening that one hears the song of the words.     

~Jiddu Krishnamurti

Dear little boy,

The purity and goodness of your heart amazes me.

The other day, on the way to school, we were at the bus stop and the bus was in sight. You had your school bag on, I had my bag on as well and carrying the stroller in one hand. I got you in my arm and you struggled to get down. I have learnt a long time ago that it is a lot wiser not to fight with you over such things so i placed you back on the ground. Then you said, Mummy bag heavy. Aww… it sounds like that was your reason for wanting to go up the bus yourself. Even though it only happened that one day, Mummy was really touched anyway.

The flu bug has been travelling around and it has decided to visit Papa as well. The other morning, I told you Papa is sick. You echoed in your innocent cutesy way, Papa sick? Yeah, Papa sick, I confirmed. You went to the table and took a bottle of medicine. Well, it wasn’t Papa’s medicine, but you didn’t know that of cos, and you took it to Papa who thought i taught you to do that. When I told him you did it on your own, he was pleasantly surprised and touched as well.

Your kindness was shown yet again when you were out with Mak Mak, Ye Ye and Gu Jie yesterday. Mummy was at work, and Papa was resting at home. You were having fun and didn’t want to come home, but when Gu Jie told you that Papa and Mummy are hungry and they are waiting for you guys to bring dinner back home for us, you obligingly agreed to go home.

In fact, you have started becoming nicer to your soft toy gang as well. In the past you used to bully all of them with punches, throwing around, squashing them by sitting on them, and they would all cry and complain bitterly to Papa and Mummy about how mean you are to them. Ever since Disneyland, you have started treating them quite well, especially Pooga Bear who was the only privileged one to go on the trip with us. Now you hug him all the time, and even give him piggy backs, albeit the fact that he ends up hanging on your back upside down (i’m sure he enjoys the rides anyway!).

Well, but you still tease Pooga Bear. One time, you decided to turn him into a ear-less bear by pulling his ears back with one hand. You got quite a gd laugh out of that, and happily showed off ear-less Pooga to us. Papa remarked, Scary Pooga Bear, and oh yeah, he did look kinda scary that he made me shriek a little. You just continued pulling his ears back, pushing him into our faces, proudly announcing, Scary Pooga! Haha… i must say, these days it’s really fun to play with you cos you catch on so quickly.

Even if your language skills aren’t as good as some toddlers your age, I have no doubt about your understanding ability. When i talk to you, I have a feeling that you understand every word i say. You listen so intently with such intelligent eyes, and when i ask you, do you understand, you say yes, and i fully believe that’s true! So nowadays, i no longer blabber meaningless stuff or ask you stupid questions. I do talk to you almost like to a normal adult, and it’s such a joy when we are having actual conversations such as the following.

When watching Doraemon, there was a scene of a man with a kid he has kidnapped….

You: Bad man.
Mummy: You mean this is a bad man?
You: YES!
Mummy: How do you know he is a bad man?
You: *no reply*
Mummy: Is it because he has hair on his face?
You: Yessss
Mummy: But Papa has hair on his face too (at least in the morning before shaving!). Is Papa a bad man?
You: Nooo
Mummy: So how come this is a bad man?
You: *no reply*
Mummy: Or is it because he is wearing sunglasses?
You: Yessss
Mummy: Ian also has sunglasses. Are you a bad man?
You: Nooo

Papa was chuckling when he heard this conversation, and even though you were just saying mostly yes and no, at least they were the right answers!

Back to your goodness. Mummy spilled something on the floor, and in her usual melodramatic way, she shrieked. You immediately asked, what happen? What happen? in such a concerned manner. I explained the situation to you and you quickly said, Ian clean! Well, i really appreciated the offer. In fact, it’s usually the other way round - you spilled something and i’m the one doing the cleaning (and sometimes i wld be wondering if i will have to clean up after you for the rest of your life!). Nevertheless, i preferred to do the job myself, so i asked you to continue watching tv.

Who knows, you insisted doing the cleaning, so i quickly did the first wipe, and you were hot on my heels, wanting to clean. I rinsed the cloth, and while i was doing that, you actually sayanged my legs, as if to console me about the spillage. When i gave the cloth to you, you went to the area which is already clean, and asked where? I pointed it to you and i think you did some cleaning, which i’m not sure. Then you left the cloth there…. :/ Ah well, little boys are not known for their attention span, so i’ll forgive you for that, and the fact that you wanted to help and even consoled me was already very reassuring for me…. at least I feel that all the love and attention we shower on you are in fact nurturing the goodness in your heart, and it is already starting to blossom.

Dear little boy, i don’t know how come you have suddenly turned into such a gd boy recently. You have always been quite a gd boy but these days, there seems to be nothing to complain abt u! Maybe it’s the Disney trip, maybe Papa has been spending more time with you, maybe… well, who really knows. Whatever it is, it’s a delight to be around you because you are so endearing and humourous, often making us laugh both on purpose and just by being yourself. You have also been singing a lot of songs that you have learnt from childcare, together with the finger movements. While i cannot make out the words, it’s really cute to hear you sing! Unfortunately when you sing, the camera/hp is not ard, and when the camera/hp is ard, you don’t sing. Still, i hope to catch you on audio/video one of these days, so more pple can enjoy your little music performances!

Thank you for being the pure and sweet soul that you are… may you continue to blossom and touch the hearts of pple whereever you go!

Lucky to be your mummy,

Mummy

I decided to just upload the photos to little boy’s online album due to lack of time. I completed this task 2 days ago and wanted to upload the videos in youtube before i post all the links together in one entry. But given my extreme fatigue these days (and looking like a panda at the same time, albeit a panda with a tan after Disneyland!), i figured that i may not get around to it for a while.

So for those who love browsing photos, you may wanna check this out: http://ianpang.myphotoalbum.com. There are some really adorable pics of little boy, as well as some really horrendous pics of mine. Whichever appeals to you more… haha… Enjoy!

The Disney trip was absolutely magic!

Sure there were the downs. Going on holiday as a mother, is different from going on a holiday as a single person, and that IS an understatement. Having to cope with the tantrums, making sure that little boy takes his meals (he took more junk food in these 4 days than he does in a month!), etc does take a lot of energy out of me, and there were times when i felt this holiday was more pain than pleasure.

Yet, the happy moments totally outweighed the bleah moments, and the joys of motherhood can also be truly felt on a Disney trip. Watching little boy’s happiness and excitement doubled my own happiness and excitement. It was pure bliss to see him immersed in the Disney magic, especially the look of star-struck awe on his face when he met Mickey Mouse in person. It still makes me laugh when i think of him running after Mickey Mouse and gang when the latter went on a “3-min break”. Little boy tried to follow them into the crew staff area, and was of cos stopped by Mr Gua Gua. Later when they reappeared, little boy followed them with his mouth wide open, absolutely stunned by the close proximity he had with his TV idols whom he watched almost every day. I managed to snap a couple of shots of his sheer joy, and that alone is worth their weight in gold, which means every cent spent on this trip was worth it.

Well, we did spent a little more than planned for, which is typical for us la. HK food can be as cheap as food court prices in SIngapore, but it’s usually priced much more than that. On our first night in HK Disneyland, as little boy insisted on eating porridge, and you would think that in HK, you can find congee anywhere, but nope, we were told that we could only find it back in the hotel which is 10 min shuttle bus ride from Disneyland, which means plus waiting/walking time, dinner would take place half an hour later at least. It was already past dinner time, little boy was announcing that he was hungry, and being typically very anxious about little boy’s nourishment, I was hoping we would find an eatery in Disneyland that served congee. We took a last shot at this fancy Chinese restaurant, and as luck would have it, it served congee. So we ended up having a really lavish meal that cost abt $100, far more than our usual dinner fare. Well, we did promise ourselves that we would have nice meals on this trip…so that was one thing checked!

At least Mr Gua Gua and i ate rather well on this trip. Little boy was not too keen on eating, which i guess was expected. Who would wanna eat when you could be meeting Mickey Mouse and gang and experiencing all kinds of exciting things right? Still, he had to eat when he was hungry, and he either asked for porridge or bread. Unfortunately he was not very adventurous in trying out the food we ordered, and i had no choice but to let him snack on crackers and even icecream, cake and marshmallows. It was consoling to be reminded by Mr Gua Gua that it’s ok to let him starve for a few days; he would be fattened up when back in Singapore again, which is true!

Eating aside, little boy was relatively coorporative and not too bad a traveller. Sure, he was climbing up and down the chairs in the plane, which i allowed cos no toddler can sit in a little space for 3 hours. Otherwise, he was pretty cheerful and hardly fussed. He also did his lying on the floor thing, throughout the trip, whenever we rushed him along and didn’t allow him to go about his business by himself. Independence is a BIG priority for him these days. I have learnt to use it to my advantage, by pretending i was going to do something that i want him to do, and he would immediately respond by wanting to do it as well. It works about 70% of the time, and i sure hope he would not wise up to it too soon.

So during those moments of fussing and throwing of tantrums, EFT came to the rescue. If not for EFT, i think we would have a much more fussy and grouchy toddler on our hands, and i would also be a much angrier and more volatile mum. Thanks to a lot of tapping, both little boy and i stayed in good spirits for most of the trip.

Of cos, i also need to credit it to the excellent service in Disneyland. Best service i have ever encountered in any tourist attraction, including Disneylands in US and Paris. The staff looked genuinely happy, and some went out of their way to make sure we are being well taken care of. On the 2nd night in Disneyland, little boy had a huge tantrum when we carried him out of the car so that another girl could have her turn. Even when we put him back, he was inconsolable. It was near closing time, and a crew member who could have just gone home, stopped by to give little boy Disney stickers. These stickers are handed out all day long, but they definitely don’t give out the whole lot, and this kind guy cheerfully passed out the stickers to little boy, one by one, and little boy eventually stopped fussing when he received the last one. He even said thank you to him, and after that, he was back to his happy self again.

That and other little moments are what makes me fall in love with Disney magic, cos it really helps me to believe in this world where people are good-hearted and noble, where good resides over evil, and where once you wish upon a star, dreams really do come true…

No matter how commercial some pple think Disney may have become, i remain in gratitude that Disney still retains such a powerful influence on the young ones today. Already, the media is showing more and more adult-oriented children’s shows that are more colourful in language, portraying violence on different levels, and displaying sardonic humour. Children these days doesn’t seem so innocent anymore, with their adult language, world-weary manner. While Disney is not perfect either - some do criticise it for its gender bias (which is evolving too, with cartoon movies like Mulan) and distorted portrayals of romance, etc - there are wonderful messages that it sends to the younger generation too. Messages like, goodness pays, and love is the most powerful force in the world. One of the most popular attractions is the “It’s a small world” ride, and isn’t it true, that when we look beyond our cultural differences, it is a small world after all.

Going on this trip is like taking a trip down memory lane, cos it brings back all those fond memories of watching the old Disney cartoons. The really old ones, like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella, which most of the children now prob have not watched before. I also caught this old-fashioned 70’s Disney mini cartoon on TV which is narrated by song with a melody and style  that put me into this lovely dreamy mood, and it’s a beautiful story about a hat that fell in love with another hat, went on a journey and got reunited with her. As I told Mr Gua Gua and he agreed, they just don’t make cartoons like this anymore.

What’s the big deal, one might say. Well, it’s hard to put it into words… watching such cartoons is like watching the leaves fall from a tree, or the clouds float in the sky. It’s soothing for the soul, and i believe children who grow up on Disney magic are those that continue to believe in goodness, and who bring goodness to this world.

So definitely, if TV is a must for little boy, then let it be Disney TV, and not the modern ones either but those old ones. Mr Gua Gua are going to say that they are boring, but i think the slow pace is what made me like it all the more. In fact i had trouble understanding most of the TV programs at a young age, but I was ok with the Disney cartoons. Maybe cos of the extensive use of music, and a lot of nature-based scenes. For a city girl like myself, perhaps it’s cos of Disney cartoons (and Enid Blyton’s books) that kept me very much connected to nature.

Well, this entry is more about my reflections of the trip rather than the trip itself. A picture is worth a thousand words, so when i find the time, i’ll just upload the pics onto this blog and/or little boy’s online photoalbum, and then you will see what i mean when i said that we had a really gd time there.

In fact, we had such a great time that Mr Gua Gua convinced me into spending another extra $60 to get the annual pass which gives us unlimited access to HK Disneyland till next July. In other words, we will be back… again and again!

Here’s the lyrics of the song… i just realised that it teaches the art of manifestation! It’s all abt putting your heart into the dream…

When You Wish Upon A StarMusic by Leigh Harline / Lyrics by Ned Washington
Performed by Jiminy Cricket (Cliff Edwards)

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

Practicing in Our Situation
Zen Master Dae Bong

——————————————————————————–

Adapted from a talk given at Providence Zen Center in September, 1988.

One of the most famous stories in our Zen tradition is about a little
girl in ancient China named Sul. She and her family lived about a
thousand years ago near the temple of the famous Zen Master Ma-jo. Her
father was a student of Ma-jo, and he often went to the temple with
Sul to visit and have personal interviews. One time when they were
visiting, Ma-jo told Sul, “You’re a very good little girl, so I’d like
to give you a present. My present to you is the words, ‘Kwan Seum
Bosal.’ You just repeat her name all the time and that will give you
happiness.” In Buddhism Kwan Seum Bosal is the name of the bodhisattva
of compassion.

Sul began to chant “Kwan Seum Bosal” on her way to school and while
she was doing her chores and even while playing with her friends.
Eventually she was always doing chanting in her mind, regardless of
what she was doing. About three years later she was down by the river
washing clothes, beating them with a stick on a rock and chanting to
herself. It was evening, and like we do at our Zen centers, the monks
would ring the temple bell to begin practice. So while she was
chanting and beating the clothes, the temple bell rang. The sound of
the stick, the bell, and her chanting all became one, and her mind
opened.

Ma-jo recognized Sul’s understanding while she was still a child, and
as she grew up, married, and reared children she became very well
known as a Zen Master. Many people came to her, and she helped many
people. Then when she was old, her granddaughter died. She loved this
granddaughter very much, and she cried and cried in front of the
people who came to offer condolences. Everyone wondered and whispered
to each other, “Sul’s enlightened. She’s already gone beyond birth and
death. Why is she crying? Why is her granddaughter’s death a hindrance
to her mind?” Finally someone gathered enough courage to ask her. She
immediately stopped crying and said, “My tears are the best ceremony,
better than chanting for my granddaughter. When she hears my tears,
she will enter nirvana. Does anyone understand?” And no one understood.

I’ve always loved that story. In the beginning I liked what it says
about practicing. The Zen Master gives this young girl something to
do, and she just does it devotedly, all the time, not separating it
from her life. She has such simple faith, and eventually she gets
enlightenment. That’s always been an inspiring story for me.

Later I became interested in the last part of the story. Sul is crying
and crying for her granddaughter, then someone asks her a question and
she immediately stops crying. Usually our emotions tend to linger, so
we often don’t do justice to one situation because we’re bringing our
emotion from something that happened before. Maybe you have something
difficult going on with your spouse, then you’re driving to work and
someone cuts you off slightly, and you give them all the anger that
you have built up for your spouse. People actually get out of their
cars and shoot each other. Or something is difficult at work, and you
go home and ignore your kids or get angry at them. So I was very
impressed that Sul didn’t linger in her feelings or let them affect
the situation. In fact, she used them to teach other people.

Source:
http://www.kwanumzen.org/primarypoint/v07n3-1990-fall-dbzm-practicinginoursituation.html

Aware or not aware, awake or not awake?

I am Sananda, and I have come upon the ray of love and wisdom.

Today I would like to discuss the subject of being aware/awake.
Or more or less aware/awake.

There are many light workers on earth at this time, all at a different point in their learning process.
So we have more aware/awake and less aware/awake people and everything in between.

Now what does it mean when someone says they are more aware/awake?

It only means they are at a different point in their process. But that is not all. During your studies, experiences and life lessons you encounter many truths.
Your experience with truth at this moment might not be your truth tomorrow. This is how fast it can change.

You can say you are more aware/awake when you experience another level of truth. But this is your truth. It is in no way the truth of someone else even though they might be less or more aware/awake.

So why do we call it more or less aware/awake?

It is part of the use of words still used in a third dimensional reality, duality thinking.
Many are trying to break out of this, but it is hard when you need to live in a third dimensional world.

I would like to explain a little bit more to give you more understanding of the process of stepping out of duality thinking.

We already spoke about everyone being at a different level in their process, people on earth like to sometimes call this more or less aware/awake.
No one can in fact say they are more aware/awake than others.

What do I mean by this?

There are many truths, and yes the more aware/awake you become, more of the truth will become available to you.
It still doesn¢t mean that someone who is less aware/awake might not have the same truth.

Everyone has chosen their own path and is following it at their own pace and in their own way.

Some people might not be so called aware/awake and still have the same truth.

Many more truths are becoming available on the earth, the higher the frequency of the earth and the people upon it the more truths will become available, the more you will be able to discern the truth for yourself. And hear me say this, it is discern your truth, not the truth of others. And do not forget your truth today might not be your truth tomorrow.

Much of the information coming in through different channels is based upon this process as well.
The information coming in through channels might be even conflicting, simply because they are there for certain people and you might not be one of them.

One other thing very connected to duality thinking is the ego, the ego is the part of you that still cares if someone is more or less aware/awake. The ego still cares if it has a higher or lesser truth than others.
This is why I am focusing on this at this time. The ego is the part of you that keeps you in duality thinking and this is why we have been working on integrating the ego. To get you out of duality thinking.

At all times remind yourself you are on your path and you are at the perfect place at this time. Tomorrow you might find yourself at another place, this is a perfect place as well.

It is not about who is more or less aware/awake. It is not about who knows more or less.

The only thing that matters is that you are able to know your truth, and your truth is perfect for you.

Then you are in the perfect place.

Your own place.

Love,

Sananda.

Channeled through Petra Margolis
July 7, 2008

Little boy has been “full of personality” these days.

He ducks his head down, and rolls his eyes upwards whenever he feels like it, in response to our question or comment. Unfortunately, this rude little action has gotten a few laughs in the past (not excluding from myself!), so it is likely to persist for some time.

He screams when things are not being done HIS way. Thank gdness, it only lasts less than 10 sec, and has not reached the ear-piecing decibels that threaten to blow up the eardrums of anyone within 10 m radius.

He REFUSES to share, and my response alternates between “this is how 2 year olds are supposed to be like” and “oh no, if i don’t teach him to share, he’s going to grow up to be a selfish jerk”, which means that i either need to do some EFT on myself or (maybe and!) go back to the library to get a gd dosage of advice from the parenting books there. The thing is, everyone else lectures or responds negatively when he doesn’t share, especially my mum, that i somewhat get influenced to do the same, even though i know that this IS a phase and it WILL pass. The worrying bug can be very contagious.

He asks you to go away if you have offended him in some manner. I was initially hurt by this remark, but am now rather immune to it, and sometimes even amused. I only hope that he hasn’t learnt it from me, cos i do use this remark from time to time, but don’t recall using it in front of him. In fact, i used it more before he was born. Genetics, karma (retribution kind), in-the-womb training? Mr Gua Gua told me that once he pointed to the door and shoved my mother/his father towards it, saying GO AWAY. Again, i alternate between being nonchalant and worrying that little boy is becoming an inconsiderate ill-mannered child. Seriously considering getting those CDs with affirmations embedded in the music, probably the ones on manners first!

Of cos, together with these acts of defiance which really shows his wanting to be independent, there are also many adorable endearing moments too.

He has learnt a wonderful repetoire of songs and enjoys singing to himself together with his little piano. His repertoire includes I love you (Barney’s classic), Baa Baa Black Sheep, Old MacDonald (of cos, he only knows the EIEIO!), Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Happy Birthday to You, ABC (i was very impressed by his rendition, with the close enough melody and lyrics), London Bridge (though instead of “falling down”, he sings AIYA-PAS which i don’t know where it comes from), This Old Man and Mary Had a Little Lamb, and i think a couple others that he may have learnt from childcare cos they sound like there might be a melody, which i can’t recognise. I just got a new phone and now my sms ringtone is a “Hello hello…Papa” from him, while the phone call ring tone is his London Bridge rendition. Now it’s a delight to receive phone calls and smses! (which means, in the past, not always :P)

When he is aware of something happening, from a cry of shock or dismay from any one of us, he will ask with concern, what happened?

His non-stop, HAR? When i reply him, he HAR? again. When i repeat, he HAR? again. When i explain in a different way or elaborate somemore, sometimes he still HAR? Sometimes i feel like i’m talking to an old man who is hard of hearing. Worse still, i get influenced by him to HAR? in my responses to other pple myself. :/

On our way to school, he loves running down the tracks meant for the blind on the way to the MRT control station. His running speed is incredible, and one of his hands would be waving in the air, which makes me think of Nemo and always makes me laugh.

When i record him singing or making funny noises and play back to him, he would chuckle with great amusement and ask me to play again. So far i haven’t gotten my “perfect” recording of him singing yet… but i got a lot of funny little recordings. One is “I love you, you love me… (and here i was crossing my fingers, hoping he would finish the 3rd line which would make this pretty good and suddenly…) RECHT!” Huh??? I was asking him, where did that come from, and he giggled at me. When he heard the playback, he laughed his head off at the RECHT and wanted to do more RETCH renditions, so now i have RECHT 2 and RECHT 3.

I am  getting angry at Mr Gua Gua a lot less recently thanks to EFT, but once i blew up at him for returning late on a Sunday afternoon without prior notice and delaying our Botanic Gardens outing. I’m not one to believe that we cannot fight in front of children (of cos, must also resolve in front of them) so little boy was there looking very concerned. He lectured Mr Gua Gua in his little boy language, as if scolding him for making me upset, and then imitated Mr Gua Gua in talking to me in an apologetic way, as if he’s sorry that i’m angry. How could i stay angry for long? He’s a natural peacemaker, my dear boy.

He has learnt to negotiate. Mr Gua Gua bought a computer game for him (which was very courageous of him cos he knew it would mean facing my anger!) and i have allowed them to play a max of 4 games a day, 2 in the morning, 2 in the night, which shldn’t take longer than half an hour in total. While he doesn’t know the game, i think he enjoyed sitting on Mr Gua Gua’s lap and watching him play, as Mr Gua Gua explains to him what’s going on and ask him to look out for enemies to shoot down. When he ask me, play game? Sometimes i give in and say, one more. Sometimes he will say o-hay (okay), sometimes he will say, two more. When he’s really lucky, i give in but Mr Gua Gua knows that these 2 games shld be ultra short ones which will effectively make it only a bit longer than one game… of cos, now we can still fool little boy, we outwit little boy when we can, before he grows up and starts outwitting us!

Recently the button on the control thingy went missing, and little boy understands that without the button, the game cannot be played. Nevertheless, he still tries his luck and asks us everyday, play game? - in an ever so hopeful manner. Again, this evening, he asked, play game? with his hands crossing each other like punching the air, and i don’t know where he learnt it from (together with a whole lot of other things!) but it’s so cute.

He must be going through many exciting things in his life with school and new adventures everyday. During this entry, i heard him laugh in his sleep. Few minutes later, he started crying and i had to go in and nurse him, and do some tapping on him, so he settled down in less than 2 min. A while later, as he turned over to lie on his back, he raised his hands up in the air and clapped! Haha… talk about being temperamental, it applies to even when he’s asleep!

Well, whether he is sulky rude little boy, or cheerful charming little boy, i love him all the same! And I think that’s where the power of EFT lies. Yesterday it was a particularly bad day as he cried when i didn’t allow him computer games in the morning cos we were late in leaving the house, and he wanted to wear his slippers instead of shoes (which i’m ok with if the slippers didn’t drop everytime i carry him), and i had to threaten to leave without him (which i know it’s bad). Then when we reached school, he cried cos i unlocked the gate and he wanted to do it (which he couldn’t!), and he cried even more when i left him with his teacher, perhaps cos he knew he wasn’t a very gd boy that morning.

Well, to be honest, that was considered a rough morning, and it wasn’t really THAT bad, and it rarely happens. Little boy IS a really gd boy, and as we nursed, i decided to do some EFT for all the happenings of the day. Ideally, EFT shld be done everyday to keep him cleared of any emotional stuff as much as possible, but i don’t. Yesterday, i thought it was really needed, so i said stuff like the following:

“Even though you don’t listen to Mummy, you’re a gd boy and Mummy loves you. Even though you wanted to play computer games and i didn’t let you…. and you didn’t want to wear your shoes but wanted to wear slippers and Mummy didn’t let you… and even though Mummy was angry at you and scolded you, and wanted to leave without you… even though you refuse to share, and you don’t say hello or bye to pple when you see them, you are a really gd boy and Mummy loves you very much.”

I said those while tapping him consistently and i knew he was listening intently, but i didn’t have any expectations of seeing any change cos i didn’t do more than a round for any of the stuff mentioned.

Yet, today, he was perfectly angelic and he followed all my instructions. He even said bye to our neighbour (he used to do that all the time when he was young but stopped in the last few mths) and i was even more surprised when he said good morning teacher when i prompted him, cos he has NEVER done that yet. Basically he was coorporative and cheerful and listened to everything i said. I really think that it was the effects of the very brief EFT i did with him the night before.

The only exception was the sharing part… but heck, i have not yet seen a toddler who shares willingly without being coerced or prompted in some way, so i’ll just EFT on MYSELF for my worry on that. Think that will prob work much better. Hurray for EFT! 

Btw, we will be going to Hong Kong Disneylang this Thursday and coming back on Sunday. We are ALL very excited about it. Mr Gua Gua keeps talking about it, and when we tell little boy we are going to Disneyland, he would cheer with a YEH or start singing Hot Dog Hot Dog Hot Diggly Dog (one of the main songs of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse).

Talking abt that song, Mr Gua Gua agreed that it’s one of the evil Disney plots to tempt children to think hotdogs shld be their main staple..and of cos, they have hot dogs in Disneyland. I was demonstrating to Mr Gua Gua how this song could be changed to Broccoli… or Carrot… or Radish… and he insisted, it just doesn’t sound the same. I agree about broccoli and carrot, but i thought radish sounded pretty good. Radish Radish Radigly Dish…  *shrug*

Anyway, if little boy ever wants to eat hotdog, i’m going to tell him it contains dog meat and do a few woofing sounds… who knows, maybe it will deter even Mr Gua Gua from eating hot dogs too. I can be very evil too. Hiak hiak hiak…

Aside from the hotdog scheme, i’m a fan of Disney too and still enjoy the Disney magic, so yes, i’m looking forward to this special trip too. Disneyland, Mickey, and the rest of the Disney gang, here we come!

I’m just riding on a wave of EFT excitement at the moment cos i’m learning so many new and fascinating things from the DVDs. I just finished the one on Allergy Antidotes in the Specialties II series, and i am definitely going to do a workshop on it cos it seems like allergies are so prevalent in this time and age, with overpopulation, environmental pollution, increase in GMO foods, etc. Apparently, allergies or substance sensitivities are the cause of many of our emotional and physical symptoms, and most of us aren’t aware of it. Only 2% of allergies/substance sensitivities lead to an immediate, noticeable reaction, whereas 98% of them have some adverse effect on the body that is largely unnoticeable, and accumulates over time till some kind of reaction shows up. Those who may have substance sensitivities could have symptoms or conditions that include the following:

• permanent puffy eyebags (that includes me!)
• sinuses
• chronic symptoms e.g. headaches, coughing, itchy eyes
• weight gain, and difficulty in losing weight
• depression
• panic attacks
• autism
• ADHD/ADD
• asthma
• rashes
• etc…

Right now i don’t have enough content to do the background explanation of allergies and how it affects pple, so i might need to do some research on that, but my idea is that most pple aren’t that interested in that kind of thing anyway. So the bulk of the workshop would be on using muscle testing to diagnose the substances we are sensitive to, and using EFT to neutralise that. It’s amazing, cos in the early days of EFT, energy toxins (which are the same as things that we are allergic to) are one of the factors that prevent success with EFT, and it was once thought that energy toxins cannot be treated, only avoided. So for pple whose energy toxins include wheat, they have to stay on a wheat-free diet for the rest of the life. Now, the simple solution is to just treat it with EFT, and it works!

When i heard Sandi, the trainer (can’t spell her last name) explain that there are many pple who go through life suffering from conditions that have unexplainable causes and when they finally find out that it’s due to a certain substance in their life, they feel such a huge sense of relief from regaining some kind of control over the condition, even if it was to avoid that particular substance. Of cos, treating it with EFT so that they don’t have to avoid it is a real bonus, and for those who suffer very badly from their allergies/substance sensitivities, this can be a lifesaver. This made me decide that i should conduct this workshop at least once, in case there IS a group of pple out there in Singapore who are allergies sufferers and haven’t benefitted properly from conventional treatment. I don’t know if it’s going to be a lifesaver for the participants, but it will definitely be an eye-opening and fun experience.

My idea (and it’s ok if anyone out there copies it cos it’s hardly that original and the more pple out there who do this kind of work, the better) is that i will give a brief intro on allergies, which will prob be common knowledge and will already be covered in the publicity flyer. This will be followed by demos on pple who know their allergies and the symptoms they get, and i will do both muscle testing to show the effect of the substance on their energy system, and EFT to show the improvement in the condition. Hopefully i will get props to better demonstrate the effects… most likely, some sugary dessert, coffee and cell phones.

After which, i will teach participants to do proper muscle testing, and this MAY require some rehearsing on my part cos from experience, not everyone can do muscle testing properly. It’s impt to stay open-minded and not have any attachment to the results. Also, clear instructions must be given by the tester e.g. keep the arm level, do NOT push upwards, just resist lightly, and once you feel your arm unable to resist then let it go down all the way. I just tried muscle testing with Mr Gua Gua this evening and the competitive streak in him just made him push against my fingers so that i couldn’t really tell if it was really strong or weak. In any case, we did get some results for each other and i even had Mr Gua Gua muscle test me on behalf of little boy, so all of us got cleared on certain substance sensitivities today!

Well, the experiential part would be the highlight of the workshop. My intention is to get participants to pair up, and i will hand each pair a set of words that are common allergens. I have typed it out this afternoon and will do the photocopying and cutting soon. Basically, as those who are familiar with Dr Emoto’s work will know, the written word contains vibrations that correlate with the meaning of the word, and this applies to any language. Simply by putting the word of the substance against the body, the body will tune into the energy of that substance and respond accordingly.

For those of you who know muscle testing, try it with a partner! Try Love/Hate, Yes/No, and once you see the effect of these words on your body, you can try common allergens like wheat, egg, soy, dust, etc. Little boy’s magnetic drawing pad came in handy this evening, and apparently, Mr Gua Gua’s funny face drawing didn’t have a very gd effect on his own energy either. Hmmm….

Once all the pairs have gotten through the words i have provided them with - perhaps i will instruct them to bring their medications and other substances they want to test, so they can try them out during this process as well - they would have gotten a list of substances they have been tested to be sensitive towards. I’m guessing some of the results would be surprising to them, especially since i now know that we are commonly addicted to the very same stuff we are allergic to, so it’s probable that participants would say things like, i eat this almost every day!

Well, the gd thing abt this workshop is, it doesn’t mean participants now need to sacrifice the things we love, cos i will simply ask everyone to tap as a group on their own substance sensitivities. I still need to work this part out a lil more cos i think it would take too much time if we break into pairs again and confirm that all the substance sensitivities have been neutralised. Maybe i’ll just do a few more demos on pple to show that some of their substance sensitivities have been neutralised, and ask everyone to go home to finish their EFT.

Frankly, this is a very simple workshop that most pple can do at home. The only thing is you need to find a willing partner to do muscle testing with you, and some pple may have trouble with that. At least the workshop will provide a conducive environment for the muscle testing AND EFTing, and you may gain some friends in the meantime. I’m fortunate that Mr Gua Gua was willing to “play” the game with me (even though he was mock laughing throughout and found the whole thing bizarre) but he got bored after 15 min, and we have tested perhaps 7-9 substances on each other and little boy. With the workshop, i will prob give about 40 min for the pair work and they will quickly go through all the words i provide them, and their own stuff if they have time for it, so this is a rather effective method of diagnosing your own substance sensitivities and treating it. I’m not sure about the cost of more conventional allergies diagnosis and treatments, but i bet it’s more costly in both time and money for sure!

Anyway, as i said before, i don’t know what would be the demand for this be like, but i’m convinced by Sandi that this can potentially save lives, and there might be a real need out there. I don’t want to be Jack of all trades, so i may not conduct EFT workshops on every single issue out there, unless i truly enjoy the experience. It is possible that my EFT for allergies workshop can start a new wave, and preceding this, other pple will conduct similar workshops, and i can continue or discontinue this out of my own preference, and know that the demand will be met by other pple.

In fact, i’m meeting my homeopathy friend to lend him the DVD and discuss my idea with him. Somehow, i feel this will be very impt for him in his work, because he is already advising pple in nutrition, and while he may be familiar with the work of muscle testing or intuitive diagnosis, EFT for energy toxins might be something new. Perhaps he can expand on this work and give his own workshops in future, who knows!

Geez, i seem to be constantly bursting with new ideas these days… sure hope that my centre provides me with the opportunities to manifest them. Sometimes it’s frustrating to feel like i need to wait for the world to catch up with me… but then again, i remind myself, that everything happens at the right place at the right time, and i’m pretty sure that once the teacher is ready (me!), the students will appear, and so would the right environment!

I definitely have some blocks to success as can be seen from a couple of instances.

First, i received 2 requests to do talks at external organisations, including hospital. When i delayed on an immediate response cos of not knowing how much to charge, the requests never came back, at least till this point. Second, i received a HUGE cheque couple days of ago (alas it belonged to my aunt cos she put something in my name) and after the initial thrill, i actually sat there looking at the cheque for a few moments, in complete confusion and almost distress. Apparently, having this huge sum of money in my hands was not something i felt comfortable with, and right now, i had no idea why. It was almost as if the present me preferred to struggle with meagre wages and always waiting for the next paycheck, rather than have so much money that i didn’t know what to do with it, which seems to be a source of anxiety for me.

So today (i relly shld be doing this everyday), it’s time to tap on my tail-enders (Gary’s term) for success. Those of you who know EFT might wanna tap on these statements if they seem to apply to you too. And do take note that they are irrational statements (usually tail enders are!) but for me, emotionally, they seem like the truth to me. Here goes…

I want to be so successful that i’m constantly being called to give talks and have more clients than i can handle as well as earn $X a year… BUT:

1) I would be in the limelight and it’s not a gd thing for me when young cos it means i get ridiculed, teased, critiqued, etc (my relatives love their “harmless jokes” which unfortunately, as i came to realise in my line of work, is not exactly harmless for young children who tend to be sensitive to everything).

2) Already i feel like my colleagues are jealous in some way for doing something different that earns lots of money, and even if they are not showing it, i’m sure they definitely are jealous (i know that i have an issue abt jealousy too, hence this kind of projection… but then, this logical analysis doesn’t neutralise the issue for me, which basically points to the redunduncy in most cases of using logic to make one feel better).

3) Pple will have higher expectations of me, like i wld need to be a perfect human being who is always wise and kind and confident.

4) I like to see myself as a down-to-earth and back-to-basics kind of person, and being successful would mean that i have to dress up better and i hate shopping!

5) Related to previous point, i don’t like to see myself as a vain, materialistic, high-fashion person, and i’m afraid success will make me become such a person cos i’ll get addicted to buying expensive brands.

6) Pple will expect me to give them treats, and while i don’t mind the expense, i don’t like to hang out with big groups of people, and then face the awkwardness of receiving thanks or the feeling of being unappreciated when not receiving thanks.

7) Mr Gua Gua will expect me to pay a larger portion of the bills, which means he get to spend a larger portion of his money on collecting more stuff which means the house gets to be even messier!

8.) I like to be taken care of, and i like to receive things, and having bigger earnings may mean that i get less of both.

9) Just like how i judge successful pple for being petty and money-minded, i am afraid that i will also become petty and money-minded, or be judged as so.

10) I will feel guilty for spending an inproportionate amt of time in my career than on family, which i’m already feeling guilty for, and i promised myself that i will balance my family and work life well, and that was my original intention for going part-time - now, even with my part-time, seems like i am spending even less time with little boy.

11) I have to get busy doing a lot of stuff i don’t like e.g. doing PR, admin work, holding meetings

12) Pple who see themselves as unsuccessful may want to distance themselves away from me and i’m going to be a lot less popular.

13) My mum who is always uptight about my money situation may become even more uptight, and she may get the urge to control my money, now that i have more of it.

14) It’s more relaxing to let pple think that i’m poor so they will naturally exclude me from certain things, and i can just live in my little shell.

15) Pple will assume that i’m proud, just because i’m rich, and i’m really tired of getting these kind of comments even right now.

16) I will have to reject those requests that i cannot handle and contrary to popular belief, i really don’t like to reject pple (though i have no prob doing it!).

17) Everybody will want a piece of me! (which basically sums up what i see, when i see myself as successful)

18.) My relatives expect me to be poor because of my profession, and sometimes it’s hard not to conform to expectations.

19) It’s easy to get tempted by success and wealth, and i’m afraid my spiritual growth will be compromised.

20) I may start spending lavishly, and that’s a big no no, cos of my mum’s conditioning on scrimping and saving every penny (which i don’t, but sometimes try to) - to her, spending money, PERIOD, is BAD… and if i get rich, i’m likely to spend even more which is of cos, BAD-der.

Okie, 20 items for now, and certainly a more detailed list than my first one. Time for some gd ol’ EFT!

******

45 min later (including couple of nursing needs from little boy), here’s a report. Firstly, i’m pretty proud that i managed to tap this long, cos i can count the no. of times i tap this long on one hand (shame on me! <- need tapping on that as well!). Secondly, when i got to point 17, i couldn’t help but laugh in my head and i conjured up an image of me being attacked by several pple, while another group of pple are shunning me cos of my success.

Interestingly, in less than a min of tapping on pt 17, the image fizzed out… i couldn’t hold on to it even when i tried, and replacing it, was an image of me looking happy, with Mr Gua Gua and little boy beside me, also looking happy, and i felt a supportive group of friends standing close by. Geez, now that’s a GREAT pic of success for me! Guess what? I was in decent clothes too…

Well, it was still a session of tapping on global issues, but for a DIY job, i think that’s as far as i can go, which is why i’m looking forward to my Borrowing Benefits sessions! Maybe i shld tap on abundance issues in another entry… my workshop profits are already half-gone, even before i received them. In fact, i shld tap on that thief in my bank account (as mentioned by the Zi Wei Dou Shu shifu) and see if that helps him to curb his inclination towards taking all my money away!