B is for books

May 27, 2007 at 10:31 pm | Posted in All in a day's work | Leave a comment

One of the common loves that Mr Gua Gua and i share is for books. Different kind of books, he likes fantasy, whereas i read mostly non-fiction, on parenting, spirituality, self-help and so on, but we are both bookworms. And aside from loving to read, we also love to buy books. So everytime there is a MPH book sale at Expo, off we will go to accumulate more books that we will end up not reading. It’s weird… i will diligently finish at least 3 out of the 4 library books i borrow before the due date but i just won’t touch those that i have bought. Of cos, one reason is the time factor – i hate to return books that i have not read, so that is one big motivating factor for me to read whenever i can like while travelling, and after little boy’s bedtime if i don’t feel like watching TV or using the internet.

The other reason is really just a matter of mood. A book that looked really appealing at first sight somehow appeal less to me once it’s back at home. I just lost the mood for those books, so they will just sit on the bookshelves getting neglected forever. But there are those once in a blue moon moments when i keep thinking of a certain title that i know i have, and cos the thought is so persistent, i finally get the book and start reading it. One was the Conversations with God which i finished within 3 days cos once started, i just couldn’t put it down. The book resonated so much within me that the world seemed brighter for me for the next few weeks. Since then, i felt reaffirmed that books are another form of communication that the universe has for us, and whichever book that we suddenly chanced upon and feel like reading will contain the very messages and lessons that we are supposed to understand and learn.

Hence, whenever i’m in the library or in a bookfair and don’t have a particular title in mind, i try to use my intuition in finding books that i actually need, whether i know it or not. Of cos, in a library it’s a lot easier to find the books since they are all catalogued and i will just go to the shelves with the books i usually like to read. In a bookfair, it’s a different thing. Especially with the MPH one, cos the books are all strewn together without any order at all. On one hand, it’s kinda frustrating cos you actually need to spend some time browsing before you may actually chance upon any interesting ones. On the other, it’s kinda exciting too, cos you never know what treasure you may find… some book which you have always heard of but didn’t really want to splurge on, or some book which might not have caught your eye in a bookstore, but jumps out at you at a bookfair (amidst the other books abt management, dieting and whatnot?) and turns out to be a fascinating read.

Today we decided to take little boy along instead of leaving him at the deposit counter i.e. Mr Gua Gua’s parents’ place (Mr Gua Gua’s joke, not mine!) cos we had the naive idea of little boy pushing the stroller along with our selected books inside so both of us cld have our hands free. Ah well… turns out little boy was a real handful on the way there, being super restless on the MRT. Luckily my energy level was pretty gd today so i managed to handle him while Mr Gua Gua took a little snooze. By the time we reached, it was already almost 5. Thankfully little boy allowed us to put him in the stroller and Mr Gua Gua and i rushed to the bookfair as fast as we could before little boy started fussing and wanting to be carried again. There was also a food fair AND a branded goods fair so can you imagine how crowded it was? Thank gdness, we managed to reach the bookfair without little boy complaining… hehe…. since it was already almost 3 hours since his lunch, i prepared his milk+brown rice cereal, and little boy actually finished it all, which was surprising! Guess he was hungry, plus there were many other children around him reading so he was well distracted by them.

Mr Gua Gua did his browsing first since i had to feed little boy. After his feed, he wanted to come out of the stroller so i let him walk around. Again, he was touching people’s stuff and trying to make friends, and luckily nobody minded him too much. Finally he came upon a lady with her daughter sitting in her lap. He decided to make friends with them, and in the end her daughter gave up her seat to little boy and the lady turned herself into a jiggling motion machine for little boy, with her daughter helping little boy to “toink” the coin into her mummy’s hand. Little boy sure knows how to make friends everywhere he goes.

Finally Mr Gua Gua came back with a big pile of books, so it was my turn. I didn’t see any books that looked interesting, and i realised i didn’t really know what to look for either. Then i decided to manifest for books that would help me in my counselling, and used my left hand to run through the books (according to HS, our left hand is more connected to our intuition). Interestingly, within the next 10 min, i found 3 books which was indeed related to helping pple. The first was about inner peace by Thich Nahn Hahn (when i flipped thru the pages, i saw some pages containing the word “social worker”). The 2nd was on empowering underachievers from 8 to 18 which is excellent for my work. The 3rd is about emotional incest which intially sounded kinda negative and extreme so i didn’t pick it up. But i kept seeing this book in the racks i browsed, and finally i saw the book face up, and below the title, it said “what to do when a parent’s love rules your life”. Now that caught my attention immediately, cos i see a lot of parents in my counselling whose way of loving their kids can indirectly lead to their kids’ misbehaviour, and of cos, i also thought of myself and Mr Gua Gua, whether we might unknowingly let our love become a hindrance to little boy in some ways. Well, this book will definitely be useful in both my professional and personal life.

Our budget for today was $100, which is quite ok considering our past experiences of spending over $100 combined together at such book fairs. I got those 3 books, and after filtering the books that Mr Gua Gua chose for me and totalling all of our books up, we actually fell short of our budget of $5. Cool! 🙂

As i was browsing, i noticed that Mr Gua Gua had the great idea of taking little boy to the other side of the hall where there was lots of space and little boy was happily running around while Mr Gua Gua followed behind. Whew… at least that took the pressure off me so i could relax and find my books. Later when i came back to them, they were still happily playing, and i could see that little boy was really enjoying himself having so much space to run abt. I took over while Mr Gua Gua went to queue up to pay. Little boy was upset abt being put in the stroller so i let him have a bit more fun since the queue was so super long. And off he went… looking really cute as he tottered along like a happy little penguin (must let him watch Happy Feet one day), and again, finding pple to play with.

He found a lady with a sleepy boy in her arms, and he went right up to pat the boy, look at his face, put his face really close to the boy’s face and even “koking” his head onto the boy’s head and i had to tell him not to kok so hard or korkor’s head “pain pain”. The mummy was really tickled by little boy’s antics and kept laughing at him. I was half-laughing, half-embarassed, and also a bit worried that little boy will annoy the other boy with his koking. Finally cos it seemed like the boy was really tired, i dragged little boy away and got him to say bye, which he did and then happily went off to have more fun.

We ended up playing catch! Little boy knew he wasn’t supposed to run past the barricade. And did he stop? Of cos not, since the forbidden fruit is always the most tempting. So he purposely headed towards the barricade with a grin on his face, and always at the last moment, i grabbed him up and swung him in the air, with him chuckling with glee. Once i put him down, he starts going for the barricade once more. Luckily little boy’s legs are still so short…. no problem for Mummy to keep up with him. Think Mummy better work on her stamina before little boy really starts running and then, it would be a real challenge to keep up. 😛

Well, it turned out to be a real fulfilling trip to the bookfair today. Books for Mr Gua Gua and me which we kept under budget, and lots of fun for little boy. Guess more of such trips can be made in the future… and hopefully by then, little boy wld be more interested in reading than in befriending everyone he meets…less energy needed from Mr Gua Gua and me!


The Lightworkers’ Identity

May 26, 2007 at 10:47 pm | Posted in Pearls of wisdom, The Miracles | 1 Comment

The Lightworkers’ Identity

Lightworkers are souls who carry the strong inner desire
to spread Light (knowledge, freedom and self-love) on earth.
They sense this as their mission.
They are often attracted to spirituality
and to therapeutic work of some kind.

Because of their deeply felt mission,
lightworkers often feel different from other people.
By experiencing different kinds of obstacles on their way,
life provokes them to find their own, unique path.
Lightworkers nearly always are solitary individuals,
not fitting into fixed societal structures.

The word `lightworker’ may evoke misunderstanding,
since it lifts out a particular group of souls from the rest.
In addition, it may be taken to suggest
that this particular group is somehow superior to the others,
i.e. those `not working for the light’.
This whole line of thought is at odds
with the very nature and intent of lightwork.
Let us state briefly what is wrong with it.

First, claims of superiority are generally unenlightened.
They block your growth toward a free and loving consciousness.
Second, Lightworkers are not `better’ or `higher’ than anyone else.
They simply have a different history
than the ones not belonging to this group.
Because of this particular history,
they have certain psychological characteristics
which distinguish them as a group.

Third, every soul becomes a lightworker at some stage
of its unfolding, so the label `lightworker’
is not reserved to a limited number of souls.

The reason we use the word “lightworker”
(despite possible misunderstandings)
is because it carries associations and stirs memories
within you that help you remember.
There is a practical convenience to it as well,
since the term is frequently used in your current spiritual literature.

Historical roots of lightworkers

Lightworkers carry within them the ability
to attain spiritual awakening faster than other people.
They carry inner seeds for a rapid spiritual awakening.
With regard to this, they seem to be on a faster track
than most people, if they choose so.
This, again, is not because lightworkers
are in any way `better’ or `higher’ souls.
They are, however, older than most souls
presently incarnate on earth.
This older age should preferably be understood
in terms of `experience’ , rather than `time’.

Lightworkers have reached a particular stage of enlightenment,
before they incarnate on earth and start their mission.
They consciously choose to become entrenched
in the `karmic wheel of life’
and to experience all forms of confusion and illusion that go with it.

They do this in order to fully understand `earth experience’.
This will enable them to fulfil their mission.
Only by going through all stages of ignorance and illusion themselves~
will they eventually own the tools to help others
achieve a state of true happiness and enlightenment.

Outline of Psychological characteristics of lightworkers:
A few characteristics of lightworker souls,
which generally distinguish them from other people~

From early on in their life, they feel they are different.
More often than not, they feel isolated from others,
lonely and misunderstood.
They will often become individualists,
who will have to find their own unique ways in life.

They have trouble feeling at home within traditional jobs
and/or organization structures.
Lightworkers are naturally anti-authoritarian,
which means they naturally resist decisions or values
based solely on power or hierarchy.
This anti-authoritarian trait is present
even if they seem timid and shy.
It is connected to the very essence of their mission here on earth.

Lightworkers feel drawn to helping people,
as a therapist or as a teacher.
They may be psychologists, healers, teachers, nurses, etcetera.
Even if their profession is not about helping people in a direct manner,
the intent to contribute to the higher good of humanity is clearly present.

Their vision of life is colored by a spiritual sense
of how all things are related together.
They consciously or subconsciously carry memories within them
of non-earthly spheres of light.
They may – occasionally – feel homesick
for these spheres and feel like a stranger on earth.

They deeply honour and respect life,
which often manifests as a fondness for animals
and a concern for the environment.
The destruction of parts of the animal and vegetable kingdom
on earth by man’s doing invokes deep feelings
of loss and grief in them.

They are kind-hearted, sensitive and empathic.
They may have trouble dealing with aggressive behaviour
and they generally experience difficulties
in standing up for themselves.
They can be dreamy, naïve or highly idealistic,
as well as insufficiently grounded, i.e. down-to-earth.
Because they easily pick up (negative) feelings
and moods of people around them,
it is important for them to spend time alone on a regular basis.
This enables them to distinguish
between their own feelings and those of others.
They need solitary time
to touch base with themselves and with mother earth.

They have lived many lives on earth
in which they were deeply involved
with spirituality and/or religion.
They were present in overwhelming numbers
in the old religious orders of your past,
as monks, nuns, hermits, psychics, witches,
shamans, priests, priestesses, etcetera.
They were the ones providing a bridge
between the visible and the invisible,
between the daily context of earth-life
and the mysterious realms of the afterlife,
of God and the spirits of good and evil.
For fulfilling this role,
they were often rejected and persecuted.
Many of you were sentenced to the stake
for the gifts you possessed.
The traumas of persecution left deep traces
within your soul’s memory.
This may presently manifest as a fear
of being fully grounded, i.e. a fear to be really present,
because you remember being brutally attacked
for who you were.

Because of the values and judgments fed to them by society,
which often go against their own natural impulses,
many Lightworkers have gotten lost,
ending up in states of self-doubt,
self-denial and even depression and hopelessness.
This is because they cannot fit
into the established order of things
and they conclude there must be something
terribly wrong with them~
this is a horrible sabbatoge technique~
that must be released~
It requires great determination and perseverance
on the inner level to overcome these patterns
of self doubt and denial.

What lightworkers have to do at this point
is to stop looking for validation from the outside,
from parents, friends or society.
At some point of time, you (who are reading this)
will have to take the momentous leap to true empowerment,
which means to really believe in yourself
and to truly honor and act upon your natural inclinations
and your inner knowing.
Stop looking for validation outside yourself~
and know that you are a Divine and magnificent
Being of Light~
This is very important~
Seek your validation from within yourself~
listen to your intuition and trust~

Lightworkers at this point in history~
stand on the brink of assisting the birthing of humanity
into a higher order of evolution~
They will take part in the expansion and enlightenment~
of humankind into higher levels of intelligence~
They will act as co-creators of humanity~
helping to re-birth the process of ascension~
into multi-level dimensions of time and space~

In the process of creation,
it is up to each and every one of us~as Lightworkers~
to step powerfully into our Divine Inheritance~
and to use our Powers for the expansion back into light~
You are invited to do so,
invited by a higher Source of Identity~
and in that acknowledgment and acceptance~
You my friends will take on a responsibility~
of partnership with the Whole~
You inherit responsibility~
when you hold knowledge of the Divine Presence~

The real truth has been hidden from us
so we would eventually remember and discover
who we really are~
We are great immortal beings
of universal knowledge and wisdom,
closely connected to our physical brothers and sisters in space,
closely connected with our brothers and sisters
in the spiritual realms.
Our Spirit Guides are close to us at all times~
all we have to do~ is to call them ~
and they will be there for us~

In the very near future~
full consciousness will return to many of us,
and in that moment of awareness of why we are here,
what we are to do in the future,
and what our past lives have been
will come before our eyes~
and we will know the truth of our Divine Purpose~
here upon our Beloved Mother Earth~


May 25, 2007 at 12:17 am | Posted in GuaGua adventures | Leave a comment

The story of how Mr Gua Gua got yet another nickname Papapi is pretty simple. Mr Gua Gua was always being the wet blanket in stopping little boy from doing anything (from the dangerous to the totally harmless), and one of these days, little boy was muttering Papapi. I caught that and repeated it with an emphasis on the last syllable so it became Papa PIIII (censored for vulgar baby language!).

We both tot it was hilarious and Mr Gua Gua is one of those pple who turn a simple joke into a longstanding thingy via self-labelling and feigned irritation, so the nick stuck and Mr Gua Gua has become Papapi. (oh, just in case you are wondering, Mr Gua Gua and his sisters have similarly weird nicknames for THEIR parents too… :P)

And for this week, Mon-Fri, Papapi has been away from home as he had a workshop in KL to attend. We were initially playing with the idea of having me and little boy come along since it’s at Sunway Lagoon and we thought perhaps I could take little boy there for some fun. But due to various factors, the plan fell through so for 5 days, it was going to be just me and little boy alone at home.

Not surprisingly, Mr Gua Gua and his folks were more worried about it than i am. Again, there was talk about his mum wanting to come up and stay overnight (yikes!), and his mum was even trying to convince me and my mum to have my mum come over and stay overnight, or me going to my mum’s place to stay. Anything but for me to be alone with little boy at home at night.

To me, it was all a little strange. It’s not like we live in a dangerous neighbourhood (or country for that matter!), and i am quite comfortable with being by myself at night. Once little boy goes to bed, i wld be happily doing my own stuff, and even when Mr Gua Gua is around, sometimes he comes at 10+ so i wld be kinda alone too. The fact is i enjoy being alone more than being with others. Mr Gua Gua is the only person that i can feel totally comfortable with (of cos that’s why i married him!), and even so, i enjoy the solitude that i have at night (and my TV programs!) before Mr Gua Gua gets back from work. So to even have the idea of my MIL coming up to stay with me freaks me out completely. Appreciate the good intentions but no thank you!

Fortunately his parents didn’t insist, and neither did my mum. And i’m still surviving up till Day 4. Gotta admit, i wasn’t looking forward to this week and on Mon morn, i was feeling just a lil grumpy. Luckily i had work to distract me, and it was gd that Tue i had to attend a full-day course, cos if i were to be at home taking care of little boy instead, i think i might be kinda sad not to have another person to talk to at the end of the day. So it’s thanks to work, the week actually passed quite quickly.

As for little boy, we explained to him about Papapi’s upcoming long absence and i think he kinda understood it cos on Mon morn, he was extra clingy with Mr GuaGua and actually let him hug him before Mr Gua Gua left, when usually he would pull away not wanting to be hugged. Other than that, he was fine. After all, little boy doesn’t really get to see Mr Gua Gua much on weekdays, except for a couple of hours in the morning, and sometimes at night if he wakes up and doesn’t want to go back to bed.

Don’t think he really notice Papapi’s absence on Tuesday, cos he prob assumed he left work early like how i sometimes leave for work before hewakes up. Wednesday, on the other hand, upon waking up, little boy was looking over at Mr Gua Gua’s side of the bed, and then peered into the living room, as if he was looking for him.

Today, Mr Gua Gua called home in the afternoon and apparently, little boy snatched the phone away from my MIL and held it against his ear for a very long time, making chattering noises. That’s a first! For usually whenever anyone wants to talk to him on the phone, he would simply ignore our attempts to put the phone next to the ear and go away to do other stuff. So i guess he does miss his Papapi after all…

Well, so do i! I am fine with spending my evenings alone with books, TV and internet to occupy me, and frankly, Mr Gua Gua does drive me up the wall sometimes. On the other hand, i also miss our chats and the laughs and crapping. As they say, you gotta have the rain if you want the rainbows! And i can’t deny that Mr Gua Gua does bring a lot of sunshine into my life. 🙂

Oh well, as i was telling little boy tonight before bedtime, Papapi comes back Friday, which is tomorrow, and which is not a long time away! So we are going to see Papapi soon… 🙂  And i hear from him that he bought lots of pressies for little boy, and i got some pressie too… yeh! Well, i also made use of his absence to get some “stuff” for him with his birthday coming up next Sat. Whew… it’s always a bit of a pressure getting pressies for Mr Gua Gua, since it has to be more than one (somehow we had a tradition of getting a few pressies for each other at each occasion), and it has to be frog-related OR at least cute, and i insist that there must be some practical purpose as well since there are enough impractical things at home already. Of cos, Mr Gua Gua loves impractical stuff, so that last criteria was really for me. 😛 But i’m quite satisfied with the gifts i got him this time round… all the criteria was fulfilled, and i think he would be pleased. More about this after next Sat!

Well, as uneventful and smooth the past 4 days without Papapi have been, i do look forward to his return tomorrow. Cya soon Mr Gua Gua! 😛

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