Faith tested

April 10, 2008 at 3:31 am | Posted in The journey within | 2 Comments

Something happened in the last couple days which i didn’t mention here in fear of jinxing anything. I have blogged abt the blog jinx before, when right after blogging abt a certain topic, it changes the day after. Unfortunately, the blog jinx attacked my entry on the gobbling goblin, cos i was so proud of the fact that little boy was drinking fruit juice recently, and in the last 2 days, after that entry, little boy refused his fruit juice, drinking half or none at all. ūüė¶ On the positive side, i get to drink more. Haha!

What happened was that the Waldolf childcare (WCNC) principal told me that she might not be able to accept little boy because of the upcoming influx of intake, as her boss has made arrangements with another childcare centre that is closing down to take in their children. While not all the parents of those children may decide to come to WCNC, the principal is not sure if she has the capacity to accept little boy and asked me to wait for 1 or 2 weeks while she assesses the situation.

She sounded so firm and businesslike on the phone, quite unlike how she was like during my 1st visit – friendly and reminding me of a kindly old aunty – that i didn’t get the chance to persuade her to accept us. So i reluctantly agreed to her request to wait, and tried my best to give a feeble attempt, before she put down the phone, “i was really looking forward to it”, and i wonder if she even heard it. I cldn’t fault her of cos. If i were in her shoes, i wld have to assume¬†a professional attitude abt it in order to take care of the situation efficiently. Still, it wld be an understatement to say that i was disappointed. After all my gushing abt WCNC and the joy and exhileration i felt abt little boy going there, i cldn’t believe the universe wld let me down like this (on hindsight, i really didn’t believe that either).

For a while (few min actually thanks to mental EFT – i was in public at this time and could only imagine the tapping in my head which still worked!), i was angry at my mum who was sup to send over the cheque for me. For some reason, she decided to postpone the mailing of the cheque, and if she hadn’t, the principal wld have received the cheque before she had the chance to reject our application. I discussed with my mum on this issue thru a no. of smses. In the end, after some deliberation, i asked my mum to go ahead and send the cheque on her side, while i send the application form on my side, and with the form, i wld attach a letter telling the principal how much i loved her centre, and to keep the application and cheque until there is a vacancy for us. My hopes were that she would be touched enough by my sincerity and enthusiasm and take little boy in the soonest time possible.

In the meantime, i decided to manifest even more strongly that little boy wld ultimately be in a childcare environment that is perfect for him, whereever that is. In my heart, i felt it wld be WCNC, but i decided not to narrow the possibilities by just manifesting for WCNC, as the universe wld know better what is the best childcare for little boy. However, as i was moaning and groaning to Mr Gua Gua abt this, and he asked what was the possibility of little boy going to WCNC, my immediate answer was 100%, albeit with more stubbornness than genuine conviction!

Stubbornness must have worked as well, cos today the principal called me to tell me she has received the cheque and she said, wow i must have really been keen. That was my cue for gushing. I told her i have just sent the application form with a letter telling her how much i loved her centre. She was so impressed that she said if i was in front of her, she wld give me a hug! She decided to make an exception just for little boy and little boy will be gg to WCNC in May!!!

Since the conversation was going so well, i decided to make full advantage of it and ask her if i could possibly take a portion of the children’s organic food to work, with a donation, as i have been thinking of going organic for a long time. She immediately went into discussing the logistics of it e.g. to eat there or take away, to get a separate lunch set or just take from the children’s food using my own container, and she said she will work it out for me and i just have to pay a few dollars for it which i’m more than happy to.

Before we ended our call, she said something like, your needs met, my needs also met. I don’t know how i met her needs, but i was definitely thrilled by how well things went, exactly according to plan, and was overflowing with thankyous before we ended our call. This principal was indeed a kind aunty-like person after all – little boy is definitely going to love his childcare. Btw, we were talking at 8 pm and she was still working, which confirms for me her dedication and passion for her work. ūüôā

I’m just so lucky to have found this place for little boy, to have all MY own needs met. Haha, i know it’s really more abt me than little boy, cos it’s me who needs to believe that little boy wld be well taken care of, well nourished. Now that i genuinely feel that i have found such a place, that gives me the freedom to do other things in peace.

On my way home, i was reflecting on this incident and previous cases of manifestations, and i came to the realisation that i have had my faith tested a no. of times by now. One was the holistic fair booth, where because of the anti-EFT fiasco at work, i was worried if it wld eventually work out. In this case, Mr Gua Gua renewed my faith by telling me that it wld be a success. I believed him, and in the end, he was right.

Another was The Journey, where i manifested for attending a workshop by Brandon Bays herself, and i met Z at the past life regression workshop who told me The Journey was coming to Singapore, but then dropped the bombshell that it may not be conducted by Brandon Bays. I decided to strengthen my manifestation, which was to attend The Journey workshop AND see Brandon Bays. Not that i’m star-crazed, but i was so deeply touched and impressed by Brandon Bays’ book¬†that i just wanted to see her in person, give her a hug to appreciate her for sharing her experiences in such a powerfully profound way, so if the workshop in Singapore was going to be conducted by other folks, i wld prob still make the trip to other countries where Brandon was conducting it herself.

Of cos, i found out at the holistic fair where there was a The Journey booth, that Brandon IS coming after all, as she wanted to make sure it takes off well in Singapore. While i was amazed and grateful, there was also another part of me that kinda knew that this wld happen. Manifestation is what manifestation is. You send a powerful intention to the universe, and the universe responds to whatever it is. It didn’t make sense for me not to see Brandon Bays at my The Journey workshop, cos my intention clearly included both!

Tonight i started to wonder if these obstacles that popped up, were disguised as¬†so to¬†test my faith in myself and the uinverse. If i had failed the test, i wld prob think that my manifestation didn’t work, or i need a new one. It wld be like making an order in the restaurant, and thinking it didn’t get to the kitchen and making another different order, when unbeknownst to me, my food was on the way to being served. But because of the new order, and there may be a ruling in this restaurant, only one order per customer at one time, my original order may return to the kitchen, and i have to wait even longer for the new order to be served to me.

I’m glad that in these instances, including the childcare one, i stuck to my original order, and i eventually got exactly what i wanted. I don’t deny the discouragement i felt during those testing periods, though i never doubted the universe’s ability to respond. It was thus also timely for me to be reading Eric Pearl’s The Reconnection, which is wonderfully humorous (i kept grinning as i read this book and who cares what other pple might think), and inspirational, cos during his time of awakening which took more than a decade, he had to struggle with a lot of discomfort and uncertainty, meeting unhelpful pple, as well as facing¬†meagre finances and lots of DIY work.

It’s prob not news to most, including myself, that most rich and successful pple had their struggles in the beginning. But for some reason, perhaps due to reading too much New Agey stuff, i was beginning to think that if things are too challenging, then maybe it’s not the right path cos when you’re in the flow of life, things happen naturally without your having to push for anything.

I have yet to have a response for that (maybe it’s only right only in a certain context, like as an¬†affirmation for pple already in the flow?), but perhaps that was an idea that the universe wanted to challenge, and it did so by sending me people who shared their experiences of how it was like BEFORE the certainty and the success. Eric Pearl never talked about being discouraged, though the struggles were evident, in fact he wrote abt them in a matter-of-fact, often humourous way. And i think to myself, perhaps what i’m facing now is an inevitable and necessary process for me to get where i want to be. The uncertainty in the workplace, the personal issues at home, the financial scarcity, etc… i don’t know how much or if at all they¬†are lessons in disguise, or just processes of life, but i take solace in the writings of many, that it’s all part of the unfolding of our destiny, and regardless of how long it takes, be it¬†3 years¬†or 3 decades, i wld eventually be there.

Another writing that conveyed this to me was a blog entry by Paulo Coelho, author of The Alchemist, who¬†make¬†frequent¬†trips to Santiago, which i know nuts abt except that it’s sup to be a sacred place and highlighted in more than one of his books including The Alchemist. During this particular trip, he wrote this entry, reminiscing abt the 1st time he was making this journey decades ago, not knowing anything at all and struggling in his doubts abt whether there was a purpose in it at all. Well, i only skimped through the entry so i can’t fill in details here, but the essence was that years later, this trip to Santiago and the relevations he experienced as a result, wld be¬†written about in many of his books. And he hadn’t known then… he didn’t know he wld be a bestselling author one day, and that years later, he wld be writing this entry in this cafe he was at right now. (You can read this entry at¬†titled “Twenty years later”)

So perhaps, this unknowing can be a test, or a lesson, or a choice. A test of faith. A lesson in perseverance and courage. And perhaps, a choice to be undaunted by one’s unknowing, and choosing to just know, that this path that i’m walking on right now will eventually take me to the fulfillment of my destiny. And it’s precisely because of the unknowing, that the final destination (if there is really one in this “reality” at all) brings about even more joy and celebration.

I can’t wait to get there. But for now,¬†i guess i¬†am¬†willing to appreciate where i am right now, as well. Thank gdness i have Mr Gua Gua, little boy and wonderful colleagues to walk with me on this journey, and the scenery is lovely at times!




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  1. gees, i’m happy to read this post! ūüôā

  2. Thanks! ūüôā

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