How to discover your life purpose in about 20 min

June 30, 2008 at 12:28 am | Posted in The journey within | Leave a comment

May try this one of these days…


EFT Level I Workshop… done!

June 30, 2008 at 12:19 am | Posted in All about little boy, Rantings and ravings, The Miracles | 1 Comment

Today was the 2nd session of my EFT Level I workshop. The bad news is, i lost about 5 pple from 1st session… and i know at least 2 of them are occupied with other activities which i have no control over. Not sure about the rest, and what i plan to do is to email them to ask for reasons why they didn’t come, get their feedback on the workshop, and invite them to join the 2nd session of the July run so that they can get their certificate of completion.

The gd news is, it was another fantastic session today! Some participants were able to share reports of how they used EFT for themselves and others. One managed to incorporate as part of her yoga daily practice and noted improvement in her chronic neck pain. One was daring enough to use it, albeit for her daughter and not herself, in public – despite strange glances from other pple, kudos to her! Another, who is a school counsellor, have been using EFT on her students all week, even doing it in groupwork, and aside from having shorter sessions with students who actually say they feel better and are ready to leave the room, she also noticed that by the end of the day, she feels less grouchy and more cheerful. That’s the wonderful thing about being an EFT practitioner – with all the tapping you do on yourself while accompanying your client in the process, you can’t help but balance your own energy system, and feel very good even after a long day of seeing clients!

I’m very glad that i managed to share a lot of my personal experiences with them, cos i think that is one powerful way to connect with the audience as well as show them that i’m a living example of how EFT works. In fact, i passionately advocated to them that EFT should be spread to the public. Of cos, not everyone may find EFT suitable for them. But at least pple would know such a tool exists and can have the choice of whether they want to use it or not.

There were plenty of nods in response to my wish that more pple learn EFT, so that they can use it to find inner peace. And i do hope that they will share EFT with those around them, either by teaching them directly or recommending my workshops to them. I truly believe that when more pple knows what EFT is about and that it’s more than a strange tapping technique, together we can bring about world peace, starting from ourselves.

As i told Mr Gua Gua, even though i feel pretty drained by the end of the workshop, because honestly, public speaking isn’t something that comes naturally to me, i also feel tremendously fulfilled. It’s a great satisfaction to hear participants report how they have found EFT useful and how they intend to use EFT to help themselves and other pple in future. It’s also a great satisfaction to share some of my learnings from personal experience and my counselling practice, such as why some of us may choose to keep our problem (i wrote an entry specially on this, in How can EFT/therapy help you), because it happens to so many of us. And educating many pple at once on this means that i can help to raise their awareness and help them clear their own issues more effectively.

As Mr Gua Gua aptly puts it, i’m teaching pple how to fish for themselves…. and what a tremendous blessing it is for me to be able to do that! I’m seriously considering doing EFT workshops on a monthly basis, perhaps every last 2 Sundays of each month, perhaps 2 Level I workshops which will focus on self-help alternating with 1 Level II workshops which will focus on achieving personal dreams and helping others. There are only benefits to doing workshops. Income is only one of the factors. Another huge benefit is that i get to truly benefit so many pple at once, and those pple will get to help those around them as well, creating a wonderful ripple effect that will result in much healing being done. It makes me smile to think of that. The thing about workshops is that most pple already come ready to learn, ready to help themselves, and of cos, because they have paid a sum of money to come, they would be motivated to get the most out of it. Compared to counselling, where sometimes clients are forced to come or just want to come and complain, workshops can definitely a much more effective way to make a real difference.

Of cos, now that i’m asking the universe to send me only those clients who are ready to change, i believe that counselling is a way to help the client define their healing journey so that they can move in the right direction for themselves. As my EFT reputation grows and pple come to me having learnt EFT already and just need professional support to access deeper issues, i am sure i can support them much more effectively, compared to clients who are not ready to use EFT yet and are more used to talk therapy. Overseas EFT practitioners sometimes have the advantage of working in a community where EFT has already been popularised, and there is not much need to explain EFT and some of the concepts to the client, saving a lot of time and increasing the rate of clearing of issues. Nevertheless, i have already been through the difficult phase of introducing EFT to clients who have never heard of it before, which only steepens my learning curve, and that’s a gd thing too, but i am still looking forward to specialising in EFT therapy and encountering clients who already know what EFT is all about.

I’m also very blessed to have such a supportive Mr Gua Gua. Initially, i was in a dilemma whether to do EFT workshops on Sundays or Saturdays. Sundays would be mean cutting into family time. Saturdays would mean cutting into my counselling time, especially working clients who can only make it on Saturdays. When i told Mr Gua Gua about my dilemma, he said i can just go ahead with Sundays and he would support me all the way. In fact, he was adamant about taking care of little boy on his own today (though my MIL still came later in the day cos she doesn’t quite trust Mr Gua Gua herself!) and i think they got some quality father-son bonding today. 🙂

For these 2 Sundays, Mr Gua Gua has been bringing little boy to my office after his nap, which nicely coincides with my packing up time after the workshop, and i have had the joy of hearing little boy calling out for me Mee-MEEEEEE, and watching him bend over to peer through the transparent part of the glass doors. After i let him in, he would happily pitter-patter in and help himself to the water dispenser, leftover bananas from teabreak, and make sure he tries out all the things on my table e.g. phone, computer, pen and paper. The day gets even better as we go off to East Coast Park. ECP has developed a lot since the last time we have been there (as Mr Gua Gua reminded me, on our very first date 6 years ago!), and now there is a wide range of eateries, carnival rides, booths, etc. For these 2 Sundays, little boy has enjoyed himself at the rides and MacDonalds’ playground, and both Mr Gua Gua and i have been pleasantly delighted by his total enjoyment of the claypot porridge at the Hongkong cafe. Seldom do we see him finish his food at one sitting, and not only that, he would pause every now and then to look at us and exclaim with a thumbs up, VERY GOOD! Wow… The food is slightly pricey, but with such a nice and comfortable ambience and great food, and such rare rave reviews from little boy, we are definitely going to come here more often.

Today i also took him down to the sea and to my surprise, he wanted to dip his feet into the waves. What a long way he has come, since his younger days where he would not dare to go into the sea – today, even with the stronger waves splashing onto his shorts, he would laugh excitedly. Little boy is not such a little boy anymore!

Another bonus benefit of going to ECP… little boy would be totally drained out by the end of the day. For the first time, he fell asleep in the car and i had to carry him up to the house. I left him on the mattress and he hardly stirred. After my shower, i got him undressed and gave him a really quick shower. Even as i was dressing him, his eyelids were closing, and once i got him to nurse on the bed, he was back in dreamland in less than 10 min, so i got to catch up with Mr Gua Gua (who is getting back on track with his own life purpose too… hurray!) and blogging. The perfect end to the perfect day. And we may do this on all EFT workshop Sundays…. great!

Even though I was tired, just like the previous Sunday, I couldn’t fall asleep as my brain would be buzzing with memories of the workshop and my excitement about upcoming ones. Already, i’m getting invites to do EFT at external organisation, and i think i’m gonna have to EFT myself to calm the excitement a little! Finally, i’m fulfilling my dream of doing EFT workshops, and perhaps, my dream of bringing it to schools, hospitals, etc is just around the corner. Imagine, if all nurses, parents, teachers and counsellors are trained in EFT. Wouldn’t that be something?

Well, let’s see what the universe brings along next… i have been telling the universe to “use me” (inspired by one of the Journey practitioners) and asking “how can i serve” (inspired by Wayne Dyer), and i believe opportunities will come knocking on the door very soon.

What all those books and teachers say are true. Once one is living his or her life purpose, everything starts to fall into place and life becomes a joyful dance, where you just need to go with the rhythm… indeed, this is becoming the case for me. And my journey has barely begun… WOW! Filled with gratitude right now… THANK YOU, UNIVERSE!

Motivation for change

June 28, 2008 at 5:10 am | Posted in All in a day's work, Rantings and ravings, The journey within | 1 Comment

I am definitely losing the enthusiasm of a freshly graduated social worker/counsellor who wishes to help everyone she encounters, regardless of their background and circumstances and etc. When i was still in that wanting-to-help-everyone mode, i would read or hear about other experienced practitioners who speak of “enthusiastic newbies” and wonder what’s wrong with that, and how can they possibly be effective if they are sounding so cynical and world-weary, or should i say, client-weary.

Well, maybe i’m entering that more cynical stage now, even though i have only been in this line for 2 over years. Then again, having a honeymoon period that lasted 2 over years may be longer than what some of my colleagues in this field have. I have been noticing that my KIV cases seem to be proportionately greater than my colleagues of this centre, so it would appear that i am holding onto cases even though those clients have not been coming for a long time. From my survey, it seems like other colleagues don’t have much of a problem keeping their cases active or closing those inactive ones.

I did some reflection on it, and to cut the long story short, i guess i was hoping to be there for them when they were ready to come back for counselling and i didn’t want to be another person in their lives who left them in the lurch.

But now that seems really laughable and naive. In a way, it’s also doubting my clients’ own resourcefulness and elevating my own ego by allowing it to think that i am the only person who can help them. Now that i’m very much into learning about the energetic connection that we have with everyone who crosses our path, it finally just occurred to me moments ago as i’m writing this, that maybe my keeping the case file open creates some kind of energetic connection that keeps them in a victim mentality. Perhaps knowing consciously or unconsciously that they are still a client of my centre, it gives them an excuse to continue staying in their comfort zone. It’s very much like a teenager who will just sit there if the parent keeps nagging at them to do something, and once the parent goes on holiday, the teenager somehow manages to get off his butt and get things done.

In any case, i have been closing cases actively all the while. It’s just that i do have a higher no. of cases and there are incoming cases too, so the KIV ones start piling up. There are probably skills i need to develop to ensure a gd start, to reduce probability of client becoming KIV, and i will be looking in to that. But i also acknowledge the fact that client motivation is not something i am able to influence totally. And maybe this is a professionally-limiting belief. Hmm… i’m starting to confuse myself here!

Why i am blogging about this today is cos today for the first time, i found myself getting quite pissed by a client. Everytime i call him, he has lots to complain about his wife, and he expected me to be able to change her somehow – and they only came for 1 session! Today it was the same thing, and i found myself having a hard time empathizing with him because he was really critical towards his wife and while he says that he knows he has contributed to the problem, the fact is that he spends the majority of the time talking about his wife’s flaws and how things would be much better once SHE changes.

So i completely lost my patience with him and did the one thing that you do NOT do with clients – argue with them. Yup, and i was still struggling with wanting to be polite and tactful and professional, yet also feeling like i have to speak the truth that i was seeing (MY truth obviously, not his), so i couldn’t even get my words out smoothly, and they came out pretty untactful i think. Finally, even he gave up on talking to me and i basically apologised for being unhelpful and told him to look for another counsellor/therapist – one whom HE thinks would be THE one to successfully change his wife in one session. Geez… i think i actually used those words on him, which was very unprofessional, but i just couldn’t help myself. I guess my intention was really to encourage him to get further help, cos every therapist has their own style and techniques and i don’t mind if he thinks mine is unsuitable for him… but i guess my underlying message, my REAL message for him, was, get real – if you can’t bring yourself to counselling without your wife, because you don’t want to change before she does, don’t waste my time.

So as i was mentioning to Efrain in my reply to his recent comment, maybe i have a tappable issue here… and maybe not. Maybe not, because that might actually be a right, or at least, not uncommon attitude out there in this field. My hypnotherapy teacher does screen her clients before she accepts them as clients, and i think one of the major criteria is that they actually are motivated to change the problem i.e. themselves. Those who come only because they are sent by another family member are, i think, rejected by her.

And i’m starting to see the wisdom of that. It may sound rude, but truly, if you have no intentions of changing yourself, then coming for counselling is only a waste of time for yourself and the counsellor. Perhaps some counsellors are fine with just giving empathy i.e. a listening ear, and of cos, there is great value in that, IF it is seen as a means to an end. But if the client just wants empathy and nothing else, then might as well call SOS or a good friend, and don’t waste money on counselling.

Of cos, i have to admit that i was a lil too impatient with this fella – maybe if i had pretended to sympathise more with his situation, he would be more willing to come and see me by himself. But nahhhh…. i hate pretending, and i’m a bad pretender anyway. My faking would be so fake that anyone would have seen through it. Better that i tell him exactly what i think, so that he can find someone else who can truly sympathise with him, and at the same time, make him feel that yesss, he is right, and his wife is wrong, and he can continue being the same old same old without feeling like he needs to change!

It’s rare that i get this frustrated by a client so i sat at my desk not doing anything, except tapping, for a few moments, also kinda surprised by my own frustration and wondering if it’s some kind of transference. Just now it occurred to me, this feeling is rather similar to the feeling i had when i made that “oh poor sick me” remark in my last entry about Mr Gua Gua. Guess i do have very limited patience with people who only complain and do not want to move their butts. I’m still deciding what i want to do about this awareness, whether i think it’s something i want to change. Right now, i’m more inclined towards not changing. I can probably develop my patience, just for the sake of developing a virtue, but if that means allowing a person to continue ranting about why everyone else is wrong and he may be wrong too but other pple shld change FIRST, i don’t know how helpful is that going to be. If i do that, then i’m going to need to learn how to respond to the person so he/she realises that change starts from him/herself. Geez… actually, it’s as simple as saying that right? And if the person agrees, good, and if the person responds with a yes, but, then i can simply state that i only work with pple who want to change themselves, and happily end the conversation without feeling like i owe the other person anything.

Thank gdness, i had another encounter with a new client who was the direct opposite of this man. She have seen many previous counsellors before and my initial thought that she was one of those people who continue counselling because they keep going in circles due to not wanting to change. Yet, there was a glow about her, and i felt that she looked extraordinarily radiant for a person who have been abused since young and been in and out of abusive relationships.

Still, her unexpected healthful look didn’t prepare me for the speed with which we tapped on her issues. It was like zoom, zoom, zoom! She was so coorporative and open with using EFT that we fleshed out issues and neutralised them in a way that i have NEVER done before with any other client, and not only did she feel a whole lot better about certain stuff that used to be very painful for her, she also received a realisation that was so powerful for her that she was speechless for a few moments.

At the end, i told her that she’s a really gd client and she laughed, telling me that everyone seems to think so. Apparently, other counsellors and psychiatrists have told her the same thing (and i joked, maybe she shld do this for a career – being a professional client!). She added, that actually it’s because she really wants to change, and she revealed that aside from the issue that she brought to counselling today, she had a larger motivation, which was to clear her own issues sufficiently so that she can fulfill her goal of opening an orphanage.

At this point, i paused my writing for a while because… well, i’m not sure why either. First, i think i’m really touched by this lady who went through the session with me with such openness and courage, and finally, i could see how EFT can be that powerful with pple who really want to change. Second, i am in awe of her aspiration, and how she is fiercely determined to heal herself so that she can achieve this aspiration. She is, with no doubt, a lightworker – as one of the “criteria” Doreen Virtue states for being a lightworker – one who wishes to heal oneself so that one can help to heal the world. At the same time, i’m sincerely grateful for the opportunity to be a part of her healing journey with EFT. She did tell me that i’m good too, and we laughed together at the fact that she has enough experience with counsellors and other kinds of practitioners to know what she is saying, and i told her i will definitely take her feedback seriously! I was indeed grateful to her for affirming me, because i did need it today in particular, after the previous frustration. She requested to come next week, as she thinks weekly sessions will help her to change more quickly and guess what, i can’t wait for her to come back!

Sometimes, my jaw still drops (figuratively speaking!) at the thought of how some clients can achieve changes so quickly just within 2 or 3 sessions, and i can end counselling with them with both of us feeling that meaningful changes have been accomplished, as compared to other clients where things just get stagnant and neither of us really know where else to go. I’m still wondering, who is truly the one taking the lead in the counselling room. My skills and use of EFT are pretty standard with each client i see, yet the results i get vary from client to client.

I think this is why during the past life regression workshop, another coursemate who is a channeller and received messages for everyone, gave me the following message from the universe. “Counselling is a passive act. The counsellor cannot learn or do on behalf of the client and the counsellor must be careful not to let her ego get in the way, for that may interfere with the client’s healing process.” I left my file in the office and couldn’t copy the message directly from there, but i believe the essence of the message is there. This message is indeed very timely for me, and even up till now, i’m still absorbing it so that it becomes my truth as well. I think it answers all the questions i have in this entry, and confirms that i am on the right track, at least in knowing that i cannot do anything for the client until he or she takes the first step.

Okie… now i have renewed zeal to close the remaining KIV cases and make sure i only spend time on clients who are committed to healing themselves. Another part of the channeled message said that my current counselling is not helping me to maximise my abilities fully, and i will be getting more difficult clients soon, which will help to do that. Well, i’m definitely ready for the challenge, though i wish to send a request to the universe, please send to me only the ones who want to make the change and not know how to!

A lil more reflection before i end this pretty long entry. I just met a friend who is a very strong Christan and was giving me marital advice and suggesting that i pray about making changes. I have nothing against Christianity – in fact, i love Conversations with God, though not all Christians agree with the kind of God that is portrayed in there. While i admire this friend a lot for many reasons, i was rather thrown off by her passionate sharing about God as well as her advice on marriage. In fact, i was still nodding my head slowly, trying my best to absorb what she is saying, and when she brightly asked, so what change do you wish to begin with from today onwards, i was temporarily speechless. Finally i mumbled, i am going to think about it, and tried to lighten things up by saying, now i know how my clients feel!

I really did mean that as i was saying it. While i appreciated her good intentions and bubbling enthusiasm in trying to help me, it was all coming at a wrong time. First of all, i didn’t ask for any advice about my marriage. Maybe i was interested to listen about how she handled her marriage, but that didn’t mean i wanted to change how i handled mine! Secondly, i think it was totally inappropriate for her to ask me to pray to God when she knows i’m a Buddhist… and again, i appreciate and admire her good intentions, but surely, she could have been more subtle in her approach.

Geez, now i really do know how my clients feel, when i get all chirpy and eager to dispense advice and expect them to get right down to making changes straight after. Hopefully i don’t do that too often at all, and will not be doing that from now on. In fact, now i don’t feel like meeting that friend at least in the near future, until i have recovered from that blast of enthusiasm that felt a little traumatic! Oh dear… i feel a lil bad for even saying that even though it’s true, and i can’t believe that i actually did the exact same thing to a client today who was also a KIV case, and i was blabbing on and on about how i can definitely help her and won’t be forcing her to do anything she is not ready for, even though i was in a way forcing her to come for counselling. No wonder she sounded like she wanted to end the call as quickly as possible! Haha…it can be so easy to think we know it all huh! Sigh… i guess this is a lesson i’m going to have to learn over and over again, until i finally get that we all have our OWN timing, and no one can bring us to a different stage until we ourselves decide we want to. Ok…i think i get it now… hopefully!

Geez, now i understand better why Jeffrey Zeig, trainer of Master Class that i attended in May this year, in one of the role plays, gave a client a really hard time. She wanted to make more time for herself and Jeffreg was basically sneering at her and being very skeptical about her being able to make the change. The more persistent she was, the more bored and skeptical he became; and the more bored and skeptical he was, the more desperate she was in trying to convince him. Even in the thank you card we signed at the end of the course, she was promising him that she’s going to do something about her issue after the course.

That time i felt he was being unkind and really felt sorry for her. Now I see the wisdom of this kind of therapy. Talk about reverse psychology! Hmm…maybe i have to learn how to be compassionately unkind from now on. 🙂

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