Dear Gary

November 27, 2008 at 1:29 am | Posted in All in a day's work, The Miracles | Leave a comment

I have sent probably 2-3 articles to the EFT newsletter now and while I know the 1st one got sent back to me cos there were some redundant parts to it, I don’t know what happened to the other 2 since I no longer read the newsletters regularly and not sure if it ever made it there.

Sometimes I really wish to send something in, and the 2 main factors that keep me from doing so are laziness and lack of confidence, worry that Gary or whoever else edits the articles would find it lame or something. But I do wish to share about what i have been doing in my EFT sessions… if not anything else, at least this would get shared with the readers of my blog. ūüôā

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Ben (not his real name), who is in his sixties, came to me after attending my EFT workshop complaining to me about stiffness in his left arm. He was unable to lift his arm above shoulder level, and experienced tightness at his shoulder joint.

In our first session, we did¬†mechanical EFT, because I wanted to¬†keep things simple, to make sure he have the confidence to practice EFT at home.¬†I added some affirmations about forgiving those who contributed to this problem in one way or another, and accepting the tightness. By the end of the session, he was able to lift his arm all the way up, with some amount of tightness, which was a huge surprise to him, and he jokingly asked,¬†“Are you performing magic?”

On our 2nd session a week later, he told me he has been doing EFT daily and each time he would experience a bit more tightness than usual, but after he takes a nap, he would experience considerable improvement. I explained to him that for some people, there is a time lag, and as long as he notices improvement, it means he is on the right track. He was still able to lift his arm all the way, and rated the tightness at 6.

He told me that he had a stroke 3 years ago, and the tightness has continued after that. I asked him what happened at the time of the stroke. He said, retirement and depression due to his brother-in-law’s accusation of him cheating his mother-in-law. I felt that the latter seemed rather significant, and he admitted that he has not gotten over the matter, and neither did he want to bother about it.

Because he has attended my workshop where I had explained the mind-body connection and how physical issues can have underlying emotional issues, he was able to accept my hypothesis that his unresolved feelings towards his brother-in-law was resulting in the pain in his left shoulder. I told him that I have this idea, to let him have an imaginary dialogue with his brother-in-law. This is a technique I learnt from hypnotherapy, and I have tried this with many of my clients together with EFT with great results. I explain the exercise to my clients this way:

“I would like you to imagine your so-and-so sitting in this chair opposite you. This would be a dialogue unlike previous real-life dialogues. The only reason why he is here today is for him to listen to you, and understand how his actions have caused you pain. He has no right to defend himself or to respond to you, unless we give him permission to do so. You have the opportunity to tell him everything that he needs to know, not just for your own sake, but also for his sake, because if he does not see the consequences of his actions, he will continue to make the same mistakes.”

Usually when i put it to clients this way, they are more than ready to start the dialogue, and so was Ben.¬†Clients¬†can do it with eyes open or eyes closed. Sometimes I give them the choice. Sometimes I suggest to them the more appropriate option, depending on what my intuition tells me. For clients who doesn’t mind me tapping on them, I may ask them to do the dialogue with eyes closed while I tap on them with their permission. For clients whereby such close contact isn’t feasible, I ask them to do the karate chop during the dialogue, and I tell them that i will be doing surrogate tapping for them throughout.

For Ben, I chose the latter option. He dialogued with his brother-in-law with his eyes open, and I was surprised how he simply went with the flow. For such dialogues, my main intent are:

1) To let the client ventilate as fully as possible
2) To facilitate a dialogue between the client and the other party so that the client finally feels heard and understood by the other party
3) To explore the other party’s side of the story, so that the client comes to the realisation that usually the other party did not intentionally hurt the client and that he (or she) was doing the best he could, which naturally leads to forgiveness

The benefits of doing this therapy, i find, are many. First, I become merely a facilitator, and I do not need to lead the client very much, or provide the insights for him. Second, talking directly to the offender tunes the client¬†right into the issue,¬†which allows deep releasing through¬†the direct/surrogate tapping. Third, often just by letting the client and the other party dialogue with each other, the client gains empathy for the other party which allows him to forgive and let go. In fact, the client needs to literally step into the offender’s shoes in order to speak on his behalf, and this can provide powerful shifts in perspective for quicker releasing. Last but not least, as I often lead the client to do surrogate tapping for the other party, the relationship is healed on many layers.

Ben started off with lecturing his brother-in-law about his irresponsibility. When he was done, I asked Ben to tell me what was the expression on his brother-in-law’s face. The answer is that he was nonchalant as usual. With some encouragement from me, Ben told¬†his brother-in-law about how the latter has caused him to have depression and stroke, and we interpersed the dialogue with EFT tapping such as:

Even though you accused me of cheating your mother’s money when I was taking care of them on your behalf and I want to kill you for that…
Even though you are jealous of me…
Even though you caused me to have depression and stroke…

When tapping on the rest of the meridien points, I led Ben in saying “I want to kill you” and “You deserve to die” for each point, which made him laugh. After that round, he told me that he used to put in a good word for his brother-in-law in front of his parents. I told him to tell that to his brother-in-law directly, which he did, with less anger than¬†before.

Then I told Ben that I was going to speak to his bro-in-law directly and he was to respond on his behalf. I asked his bro-in-law to explain his actions. The “latter” told me that he was adopted and felt insecure about his financial situation, that he had to get rid of the client in order to¬†get a bigger share of his mother’s money. I asked him if he knew he had caused Ben to have stroke and depression, and if he intentionally did so. He said no, though now he did. He also explained that he was jealous of Ben because everyone liked him and took care of him.

Then I asked Ben to respond to his bro-in-law, after hearing what “he” said. After some dialoguing, I asked Ben to rate his blame, and it was¬†reduced to¬†4 because it turned out that his bro-in-law also hurt his sister, Ben’s wife. We did more tapping on that.

Even though you hurt my wife and your parents…
Even though I still blame you…
Even though i still cannot forgive you…

When tapping on the rest of the EFT points, I led Ben in saying “I want to kill you” again. He couldn’t say the words at all, as he no longer felt that way towards him, so I stuck to “I blame you”. After that round, his blame came down to 2. We tapped another round.

Even though I still blame you, I choose to let you go because I deserve to be happy, and my body deserves to be happy.
Even though I am still affected by you, I am willing to forgive you because I want to be free.
Even though I still can’t forgive you, I forgive myself and I accept my feelings.

After that, Ben was surprised to feel no more blame towards his brother in law. Normally I would stop here and start to end the session, but I was guided to ask him to do the karate chop and say the following to his brother-in-law.  

Thank you for being here today.
Thank you for listening to me.
Thank you for willing to share with me.
Thank you for helping me to forgive you.
Thank you for allowing me to be free.
I hope you will be free one day too.

During this process, I felt goosebumps which is usually an indication of something really good happening, and Ben told me that his brother-in-law was smiling at him.

After Ben said bye to his brother-in-law and he has “left” the session, I asked Ben to check the tightness in his arm. With great surprise, he was able to lift his arm all the way up without any tightness at all, and again he said to me, “You are performing magic!”.

A side-note here. When my client is engaging in dialogue, I would normally close my eyes and surrogate tap at my usual lightning speed, tapping points on both sides. I would clear my head and see myself as a “tapping tool”, where I am tapping for the relationship between both parties, and visualise white light on the client, the other party and myself. I know that such dialogue is usually very powerful therapy, and I do believe that incorporating EFT makes the healing go even deeper, as well as reduces the intensity of this otherwise very intense therapy.

Everytime I get the opportunity to do use this form of therapy in sessions, my clients usually report feeling great shifts in them, and they are almost always able to empathise and forgive the offender after that. The best thing is, they also come back in the next session, telling me that not only do they respond differently to the other party, the latter actually behaves differently towards them as well. A client who dialogued with his father reported in the next session that he had a good phone chat with his father who didn’t nag at him for once. Another client who dialogued with her daughter reported in the next session that her daughter was coming home much more early and was responding more warmly to her. My belief about this therapy is that far from being just an imaginary dialogue, we literally connect to the other party on an energetic level, so the therapy benefits them as well.

Btw, Ben also told me that he has been sharing my article on EFT with all¬†his family, and he even did EFT on his grandson who was always shouting. After just one session with him, he no longer shouts as much and his mother even asked Ben, “What did you do with my son?”.

I truly think that EFT is a miracle, and I feel so blessed to be seeing miracles happening in my work on a regular basis. Thanks so much Gary for bringing this gift of healing to the world.

Bedtime talk

November 26, 2008 at 12:26 pm | Posted in Conversations with little boy, Happy moments, Letters to my little boy | Leave a comment

Dear little boy,

I was both incredulous and envious when Papa told me weeks ago, that when he asked you which planet you came from, you actually gave him an actual answer, clearly enunciated. I missed it, and have no idea whether Papa was exaggerating (which he often does!) or totally serious, and of cos, he swears the latter. When i asked you the same question, you cheekily gave me funny answers, saying no to every option i gave, including the question are you little boy.

Last night, as we were on the bed, you lying on Mummy’s pillow lazily, and we were waiting for Papa to come in to say goodnight, i thought it was a good time to try my luck with this conversation thread.

So we had the following conversation:

Me: Little boy, do you see angels? (i only pointed out angels to you once, and they were simple X’mas decorations which prob don’t look like the real thing, so i was really trying my luck here)

You: *with a teasing (or was it sly?) look* I don’t know angels…

Me: You don’t know angels? So do you see angels?

You: I don’t know…

Me: You don’t see angels?

You: No….

Me: Then do you see fairies? (again, trying my luck here, cos i never mentioned this word to you before)

You: Yes!

Me: *thought i hit bullseye* You see fairies?

You: Yes!

Me: *getting excited* Do you see fairies now?

You: *pause… thinking*…..

Me: Where are the fairies?

You: *looking at ceiling, and i thought you were seriously going to give me an affirmative answer* I don’t see fairies…

Me: *sigh, got tricked again* You don’t see fairies now?

You: No…

Me: Then which planet do you come from little boy?

You: *pause… thinking*….

Me: Where do you come from little boy?

You: Zoo… animals….

Me: You come from the zoo?

You: Yes!

Me: *LOL, and decided to change topic since we were getting nowhere* Then where do you sleep? With the lions?

You: *very serious, perhaps shocked at the idea* No! … sit elephant!

Me: *heard wrongly* You sleep with the elephant?

You: No… SIT *emphasising the t-sound, which you are very good at, and you bent your knees up in the air to show blur Mummy what you meant*

Me: OHHHH… SIT on the elephant… and do you remember the big elephant ears? Do they flap against your legs?

You: Yes… Elephant ear triangle!

Me: *Very impressed* Yes… elephant ear is like triangle. And how big are the elephant ears?

You: *form a triangle with your drumsticks*

Me: So small? No… elephant ear is this big!

You: *imitate my hand gesture*

After some babble talk from you that i didn’t quite understand, you proceeded to wave your drumstick and performed magic tricks for me.

You: Little rabbit!

Me: Oh.. you made a little rabbit? Where?

You: *pause for few moments, and then pointed to your tummy* There!

Me: Oh… hello little rabbit! *sayang the imaginary magic rabbit* Where is the rabbit now?

You: *point to the window* Outside!

Me: The rabbit jumped through the window to go outside?

You: Yes!

And so on and on we went… till Papa came in. What great fun it is to hold conversations with you these days. Now that your vocab is increasing and you are able to string more and more words together, we can really see more of your personality from what you say.

Last night, we were reading “Together”, a library book Mee-mee borrowed from you, about 2 dogs who had totally different interests and how they learnt to be friends anyway. You love this book, and after Mee-mee finished the book with “The End”, you hopped off saying, “Good story!” with a thumbs up. I wonder who taught you that! Perhaps you will be a book reviewer in future!

Our current bedtime ritual is one that all 3 of us love. When it is time for you to drink milk milk, Pooga Bear would suddenly have the urge to drink milk milk, and clamber over to Mee-mee. Apparently, milk milk is something you don’t share, and you immediately grab Pooga up and throw yourself down on your little pillow, making sure you get to it before he does.

Last night Pooga bear was fussing cos he wanted milk milk. You pointed him to the soft toy gang between the pillows and told him, “There got space”

He protested, “But I want to drink milk milk!”

After insisting a few more times and it appeared that Pooga was in a stubborn mood tonight, you went to the soft toy gang and dug out (yes… dug out… from the HUGE pile of folks there :P) Baby who holds a little milk bottle and forced Pooga’s mouth on it. Despite his squeals of protests, you insisted that that is the only kind of milk he could drink. Oh well… seems like you have the monopoly on Mee-mee’s milk! Wonder how you are going to respond to having a little sister drink Mee-mee’s milk milk in future…

Anyway,¬†that’s something we don’t have to worry for now, and yes, you can still have your milk milk at night. I have to confess that i enjoy these moments too cos it’s so nice to have your warm body snuggled up against mine. There is this healing energy that you seem to carry, that just touching your body makes me feel nurtured and happy.

So I’m glad that you still want milk-milk and wonder if i’m going to be missing these moments when you decide that you’re too old for milk milk. Despite Papa’s misgivings about your wanting milk milk at this age, i hope you don’t decide to stop too soon!

Well, just before you get engrossed in your milk milk, Papa would demand for his bedtime goodbyes. Here’s the “mantra”

Papa: Goodnight!

You: Goodnight!

Papa: Byebye-OH!

You: Byebye-OH!

Papa: And a…

You: And a kiss!

You used to duck away from Papa’s kisses but for a long time now, you willingly let Papa plant a hairy kiss on your mouth. Which will be followed by…

You: Eeeeee…. got moose-tach… so oily oily.

Hahaha…. couple weeks ago Papa was eating his dinner before coming in and hasn’t washed his mouth, so Mee-mee was exclaiming how oily Papa’s mouth was. Since then, Papa’s bedtime kiss has been eternally labelled as “oily oily”… or rather, in your accent, “oil-ny oil-ny”!

Even though this goes on every night, it never fails to make Papa and Mee-mee laugh. What a great way to end each night!

I love this bedtime ritual little boy! Even though Papa and Mee-mee only spend limited amount of time with you, i hope these precious minutes before bedtime that we have every night without fail suffice in letting you know what a dear little boy you are to us, and how much love we have for you.

And as you enter from one dimension to another as you pass into slumberland, may you continue to carry the sweetness of these moments where ever you go, to keep you warm and safe as you go on your night adventures.

I may never know which planet you come from, my dear little boy, but i’m sure glad that you’re now on the same planet as me!

Kisses and hugs,

Mee-mee (your Earth mother who is very glad to be one!)

Gratitude journal

November 25, 2008 at 12:12 pm | Posted in The Miracles | Leave a comment

I am grateful for…

Little boy. Mr Gua Gua. Having the time to write this entry. My notebook which makes writing this possible. The chance to share EFT with fellow professionals (not the most fun session, but good anyway). Hongkong Disneyland this Thurs to next Mon, where we will see all the X’mas decor and Mickey Mouse Santa Claus (!!!). Working part-time, which gives me time to reflect and just be. Staying next to Mount Faber – the view is unbeatable.

EFT workshops, which gives me joy and additional income. The Try It On Everything EFT documentary which is just fantastic (first screening will¬†be on 2nd session at FSC; 1st public screening scheduled for Jan? – TBC). The book A Blessing in Disguise, a compilation of writings from both famous and non-famous teachers, all inspirational and some very private sharings which shone some light into my soul. Supportive in laws. My parents’ good health. My job which helps me fulfill my love of counselling, and offers both flexibility and freedom which i so need. Like-minded colleagues, almost spiritual friends. Om mani padme hung. Green Tara. The universe, which has been so generous to me in every way. A month of feasting at high-class restaurants, thanks to all the 1-for-1 vouchers from my mum.

Another year closer to 2012, and 2009 would no doubt be a special year for more growth and transformation. The negativity in me, which helps me to experience human life more richly and empathise with my clients’¬† suffering better. Andy Tomlinson and the PLR skills he taught me. Having people who are willing to have me practice PLR on them. The super 7 crystal that Ric felt is meant for me – the kindness in his gesture. The art therapy sessions that will be commencing in less than 2 weeks time. The silence around me which i truly enjoy (libraries are one of my fave places… wld love to sit in a forest too, if not for the heat and insects).

People who have been giving me support in one form or another… Cindee, Efrain, Yixin, Mair (who is still displaying my EFT affirmation cards at her workshops and waiting room for her clients to use…wow!)…my president, who made many decisions that allow me to be in this wonderful work environment where i can blossom personally and professionally.

Yup, i have much to be grateful for… may i use all these blessings in my life to create blessings for others many times over.

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