On perfectionism…

March 27, 2009 at 4:54 pm | Posted in Pearls of wisdom | Leave a comment

“After enough mirror gazing, we all develop our ‘cosmic sense of humor.’ We no longer try to be perfect, or try to get all our work done in time. We become content with whatever life brings. Just to deal with what comes up without crucifying ourselves or others is enough of a challenge.” — Paul Ferrini

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The ego in the book

March 27, 2009 at 12:57 pm | Posted in The journey within, The Miracles | Leave a comment

A friend just called me psychotic. And he wasn’t joking. “Are you psychotic?” was his message on msn, followed by an abrupt “I’m busy today.”

This was preceded by a series of messages from me, about whether he has contacted his publisher friend for me, whether he is serious about doing it for me or not, not to play games w me and he doesn’t owe anything but the truth.

Obviously i felt very sound of mind when i wrote that.

But on hindsight, maybe there was some truth in his words, as harsh as they were (and i’m still pissed at him for that!).

My EFT book is driving me nuts!

To put it more accurately, it has given my ego the opportunities to drive me nuts. How do i get it out in this world? Self-publish or find a publisher? How to find a publisher? How to sell my book? Will pple like it? If they say they like it, do they REALLY mean it? If they really mean it, what about the rest who didn’t say at least 3 times that they liked it? Blah blah blah… and more blah blah blah…

Now i know why creative pple often fall into depression. Compared to other “non-creative” pple, or at least pple who don’t make a career based on creativity alone, they are taking the risk to represent a part of themselves in a tangible form and putting it out in the world.

And visibility is both exhilerating and scary.

Obviously there is a part of me who loves to be visible, or else i wouldn’t even be blogging in the first place. But the ego… sigh, this little ego of mine, is sure afraid of possible rejections and criticisms.

Still, worse than visibility and all the possible consequeneces that follow, both gd and bad, is invisibility.

Hiding in a little corner where the world passes you by, unaware and untouched by your presence.

I wld rather be criticised by 99 pple and have 1 person tell me that he/she was positively impacted by my book, then to shrink away in a safe little hiding place.

Last night, or this morning rather, i was on the phone with this lady from UK. Our connection was pure synchronicity. I asked an EFT Master whom i felt particularly connected to if she could read my book or pass it to others to read. She was busy and asked 2 of her students to read it. One replied. Amazingly, she was also a certified Journey practitioner and born in Singapore.

Even more amazing, was that she took the effort to meditate before reading my book so that she would have inspired feedback for me.

We talked for one over hour this morning. According to her, this book was a product of Grace, and she was blown away by its simplicity and wisdom. She’s an amazing lady, and i say that not cos she was complimenting me all the way (though tt was relly nice!), but cos she intuitively picked up on one of my issues when reading my booklet.

“You are already a GREAT therapist, you don’t have to promote yourself at all.” She said, referring to a particular section where i mentioned my workshop and it seemed to indicate a lack of confidence, and hence the need to put it that way. But she added, that upon her second read, that section seems fine. Nevertheless, she was right.When i reflected on the state i was in when i wrote the article, there was a part of that  was promoting myself to some extent in that particular section.

Why? Oh i had gd reasons for that. My ex supervisor and clinical advsor openly opposed the use of EFT cos it was not evidence-based. My centre decided to drop the publicity for the EFT workshops, and in a way that made me feel like i was doing something bad. Thanks to EFT, I was doing incredible work with my clients and i felt that nobody saw it, was interested in it, or acknowledged it in any way. I was angry that people could be so blind to something, and that EFT and of cos I myself were not given the recognition that we deserved. I was upset to see that my colleagues were not getting results that i was getting, and they simply allowed the system to close their doors to something that could help them work more effectively with their clients.

Seriously, i was very pissed… NOT at peace with this issue yet So obviously, there is much tapping i need to do here.

So i think she picked up on the little voice that was inside me when i wrote that section , “Guess what? You guys are SO wrong. Check out the wonderful work i’m doing here!”

I know i know…. very rebellious, very indignant.  Words of a 6 yr old child who is angry at being ignored or shamed in an unfair manner.

Sigh… so i was both very impressed as well as very thankful to this lady for picking up this part that didn’t feel right to her. Obviously, it’s the energy of the book, not the words itself, that carries the message to the reader. She herself found that there is nothing wrong with the words themselves , and i wonder.. now this would be an interesting thing to check out… if i have fully cleared myself of this issue, would she get a different feeling from that same section when she reads it again.

Sigh… “Even though those pple are so ignorant and biased, i deeply and completely accept myself.”

As i tap on that, i recall that past life i experienced as a healer who was hanged by the villagers who thought i was a witch. It’s crystal clear to me that the anger that i’m experiencing about this stemmed from that life, or even earlier. How awfully biased can pple get. that goodness gets clamped upon and not allowed to flourish.

Whew more tapping needed….

Wow. I had a very intense self-healing session just now. The most intense one yet

As i tapped, i allowed all that anger to come out, and while i couldn’t see clearly the faces of the villagers, i told them (and all the pple who misjudged and condemned me). You guys were SO wrong… you guys were SO wrong.

Unexpectedly, the tears came. Tears of anger, tears of grief. Then i remembered, in that lifetime, they had killed my mother for the same reason. More tears of anger, more tears of grief.

Finally, when i looked at the villagers, they were crying. Suddenly, i saw myself through their eyes. They saw me as a threat to their safety. Something dark and ominous, caused more by their ignorance than anything else.

I understood. They just didn’t understand. I felt their fear. Fear of what you don’t know is a very powerful fear. And then i was crying for them…. their ignorance, their fear, their guilt and shame for what they have done.

And i was crying for all the injustice that had happened in this world that was caused by nothing but ignorance and prejudice and fear. I cried for all the so-called witches who were executed, their pain, their losses.

I then looked at the villagers and told them.. i release all of you… and as i repeated these words, i saw them floating away in relief, no longer tied down by the energy of anger, guilt and fear. They were free. So was i.

While my tears have already been wiped away, my heart still ache, and i’m not sure if it’s remnants of that old issue. Will just see how it goes. All i know is that this was an incredibly powerful session for me, and now i understand why i was so angry by the lack of acceptance i received at the centre.

Even more importantly, now i understand why i have this natural ability to write simply. It arose from this need to extinguish ignorance, so that goodness could be allowed to flourish in this world. If only more pple understood, this world would be so much more beautiful and in harmony.

Now i understand how did this book come to write itself. Of cos, i’m the one who wrote it, but it was a spontaneous event. One moment i had the urge to write a book. Next moment, it was there. Not quite but almost like that (at this point, word count 1414).

This book is a product of that need to help pple understand there is such a thing called EFT, and not only can anyone use it, it really really works.

Whew.. my heart feels hot at the moment. It is literally burning with desire for that to happen.

Maybe it’s not so much ego then…. haha……. this is a twist in my blog entry that was not quite expected.

Well, this popped in my head as a replacement for the blog entry subject. The spirit in the book. It feels so true to me.

Little gurus

March 25, 2009 at 11:11 pm | Posted in All about little boy, All in a day's work | Leave a comment

Today i had a session with this client whom i have been seeing regularly. She has been making great progress, and i was starting to check in on how far more we have to go before we are ready to call it quits. I don’t believe in making the client dependent on me. Even if the client needs to depend on me in the beginning, there needs to be a weaning period.

So at the end of our session, i asked her to rate where she was from -10 to +10, if -10 was how she was at our 1st counselling session, and +10 was where she wanted to get to. She told me -5. MUCH lower that i would have expected.

I told her, “Hmm…+10 is not to be Jesus u know!”

She laughed and said she knew that, but i still felt suspicious of her self-rating, so i asked her to close her eyes, connect to God/her heart/the Light within her. And i asked her the same question, “If -10 was who you were at our 1st session, and +10 is where you want to get to, what number are you at now… give me the first number.”

Despite my reminder to give me the 1st number, she took a bit longer than i expected. In the meantime, her young son who joined us few minutes ago and heard my question to his mum raised his hand to show me his answer – 5.

I grinned at him, thinking that was just his observation of how much his mother had progressed.

Less than a minute later, my client with eyes still closed told me her answer – 5!

My jaw dropped as i looked at the lil boy with amazement and delight. He’s a psychic! But then, remembering my client’s previous answer, i laughingly asked her, “Plus or minus? First answer.” At the same time, i gave the lil boy a questioning look. He crossed his fingers to make a plus sign.

To my surprise, my client replied, “Minus.”

I turned to look at lil boy, who was looking right back at me with wide open eyes, and he gestured in protest. PLUS!

I asked my client, “Ask God, and tell me whether HE says plus or minus.”

My client paused for a few moments, then replied, “Plus.”

Grinning at the lil boy, I told her to open her eyes and i said to her, “Your son understands you very well.” I proceeded to tell her how her son had given God’s answer way before she did. “You should listen to your son more often.”

The client looked at her son with red eyes… and for some reason, my own eyes were red as well. Not sure why either. Maybe i was just simply touched by the wisdom and intuition of this innocent and adorable looking boy.

Would it be very predictable if i were to say that he reminds me of little boy?

Well, he did. Even thinking of him makes me smile… his mother is so lucky. And so am i.

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