In the words of The Terminator…

July 20, 2013 at 10:58 pm | Posted in All about little girl | Leave a comment
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… I’m BAACCKKKK!

Let’s see now, it’s been almost 4 years since I last wrote in this blog. Since it’s been such a long hiatus, I guess now I’m really just writing for myself, and perhaps to Spirit/Source as well, and I’m not expecting any regular readership, except for the random guest every now and then. I’m fine with that cos I really just want to spend time writing again. It’s a good way to track my thoughts, and a GREAT way to put the memories down in someplace, well, *relatively* safe. I just hope that wordpress doesn’t go in the way of easyjournal (sigh, bye bye, birthing blog entry *bang my head on the wall, why didn’t I save you somewhere more permanent*!), fingers crossed!

The MAIN reason why I’m blogging again is cos of… BABY FEVER! Yes, I so want to have little girl in my life. Little boy is already 7 going on 8, and I just can’t wait for little girl to enter this world. The age gap between them is growing larger by the day! Of cos, it would be nice to have little boy old enough to be able to help take care of his little sis, but I can’t help but wonder about the places that we can have fun as a family with 2 kids separated by at least 8 years. Oh well, I guess we will figure it out when it comes to it.

So anyway, I have been obsessing about pregnancy, babies and mothercare for the past few weeks. Reading up on motherhood/baby forums, blogs, internet articles, etc. I have even compiled a list of essential information and resources in my Gmail draft folder – contact numbers of recommended confinement ladies and massage ladies, what foods to take and avoid for confinement and breastfeeding, mummy and baby supplies, etc. All ready for little girl to come. Sigh… when? WHENNNN?

Sometimes I don’t know if I want little girl for the “right” reasons. Do I want her to come so as to fill up the emptiness in my life? Or do I just feel like it’s time for her to come? Or am I just being influenced by XX’s constant tweets about her totally adorable and handsome baby boy? Maybe a bit of all three factors?

Well, Mr Guagua wants her to come as well, but he definitely not as anxious as me. Otherwise we would probably be doing more BD (as in baby/body dancing or sex, haha, one of those acronyms I picked up from the local mummy forums). Let’s see now… we have probably BDed 3 times this year? Hmmm… as far as I recall anyway. But they were kinda spontaneous acts, and I have no idea if they coincided with my ovulation period or not. So far, we have striked out 2 times out of 3. I’m still waiting for 2 more weeks to see if we are lucky 3rd time round. After the 3rd BD, I was like tapping on myself while sending out a request for little girl to come. After that, whenever I muscle tested myself using my eyes for whether little girl has been conceived, I kept getting a yes, and then after a while, I was also getting no, and then back to yes again. Damn you, eyes! 😛

So I have been reading in more detail the TTC threads, and I’m thinking of perhaps taking it a bit more seriously, like visiting the TCM doctors to “tiao” our body, and then making sure we BD on the right dates?

But honestly, with all my desire for little girl, I’m not very sure if I’m 100% ready for her to come. Right now I wish that she is here, cos I can totally imagine myself carrying her 24 hours a day (with the yummilicious looking Hugabub – hopefully mum or sis would sponsor it for me!) and doing total breastfeeding and eventually, making the most delicious baby food for her. And this time round, she would be MINE. Cos my in laws would be too old/busy to take care of little girl, and mum needs to work, so I would be the main caregiver. I think I am quite ready to give up my total freedom of time and space for her so I wouldn’t mind caring for her 24/7, and to be honest, I am looking forward to “moulding” little girl into the kind of person that I sometimes wish little boy was more of. Someone brave, active, independent and open to trying new things. But on the other hand, I am also a little afraid that she would be like me, grouchy at times and might be prone to depression, whereas little boy, thanks to my in laws’ influence, is a rather cheerful and jovial fella, which I am very grateful for. Of cos, he can be fussy and whiny at times, which really gets on my nerves, but other than that, he’s a real joy to be with, and his witty/cheeky banter can make Mr Gua Gua and I laugh our heads off.

Still, I am definitely very optimistic about raising little girl on my own (of cos, with Mr Gua Gua’s help too). Sigh, I sure hope that she has my eyes, my smile, and my natural studying ability, as well as Mr Gua Gua’s patience and social skills and both of our intelligence! I so look forward to having a daughter. It’s not like I enjoy the girly stuff like playing with hair or makeup or dressup, but girls are just usually gentler and (I think) easier to take care of. And mothers and daughters just have that special bond, don’t they?

I have been thinking, with little boy, I commemorated his first year with lots of virtual scrapbooking. Hmm, talking about that, I wonder when would it be a good time to bring out the scrapbooks and go through them with him. And talking about THAT, hmmm… where *are* the scrapbooks anyway. Will have to make sure Mr Gua Gua knows where they are. Well, I think the scrapbooks are pretty nicely done, and I have definitely spent countless of hours doing them up. But I think with little girl, I would like to do it differently. Primarily because I no longer have Photoshop, and also because my perfectionism makes this hobby way too time consuming for me.

Maybe videos and photos, to be compiled into a movie thingy by the end of the first year? And I’m thinking, if the technicalities are too complex for me (but c’mon man, I MASTERED photoshop for little boy’s scrapbooking and powerpoint slides for Mr Gua Gua’s V-day pressie!), I can always hire someone to put them together. So I would just need to make sure I have a good tool for taking photos and videos (should I just settle for a smartphone?) and to have them organised safely in one place. Hmm, this sounds like a good plan. Maybe I should start watching more homemade videos and photo montages to get a better idea of what kind of moments I want to capture. Hmm… should I include pregnancy photos too? Maybe not… I have so much fats in my tummy, don’t think I wanna show that to the rest of the world. How about the birthing process? Photos only or video too? Hmm… and I also need to keep in mind that the more moments I capture, the longer the final product would be, unless I have different chapters like in those movies dvds.

Actually I really like what XX has been doing with her baby son’s pictures too. She has been making comics of her boy, and I must say, she is pretty ingenious with coming up with the captions that accompany her boy’s facial expressions so nicely. On hindsight, while my virtual scrapbooking pages look pretty (mostly), I put in such lengthy descriptions and unfortunately, often in cursive handwriting, that I wonder if little boy or anyone one else would take the time to read everything. But that’s me la, always overdoing things. Have to remember, less is more, less is more….

But while I like XX’s idea a lot, I don’t really want to copy it either. Anyway, I don’t think I can come up with captions that are as funny as hers. If I want to do a project, I will make sure that I do it darn well.

Ok, Mr Gua Gua is back, too distracting for me to continue. Anyway, I have rambled on enough tonight. Sigh, I don’t know if this is pathetic or what, writing to myself. But sometimes it’s easier than talking to a person. At least when I blog, I know that no one is bored listening to me, or judging me, or I have to think of how to keep the conversation going. So I guess blogging will be replacing my friends for now, until I am in a more social mood again.

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